I need a woman like you wouldn't believe. I've maintained my new years resolution.... it's been about 83 days, 10 hours, and 13 minutes since I got any nooky *whatsoever*. Of *any* kind. Do you realize the implications?
I'm dyin here. Everyone is looking juicy and scrumptious. My standards are dropping faster than Enron stock on sept. 11th. I want a meaningful relationship SO badly my left knee might spontaneously explode into a thousand pieces sending bone splinters into my gonads like so many pins and needles in a voodoo doll. OHhhhh the pain, the agony of it all. I'm trying so hard to hold out, to not be a manwhore. What do they expect of me? What human should be forced to endure this?