girl: Have you heard from sarah?
boy: nope.
girl: cause I haven't heard from her in weeks... She hasn't returned my phone calls.
boy: maybe she is dead. maybe she choked on something and she has been lying on her kitchen floor, dead - with triscuits in her fridge, for a week?
girl: Yes, I'd thought of that.
boy: Which would explain things nicely. A recent scientific study shows that 99.8% of all dead people do not return phone calls, are generally uncommunicative, and don't like nutella on their toast in the morning.
girl: Hmm. yes, that explains it.
boy: Another study, however, has found 89% of dead people to be amazingly acute and attentive listeners.
girl: cheerios and milk!