20021203   

Michael considered fate at 14:07   |   Permalink   |   Post a Comment

Here I would like to expand upon the feelings of guilt and the tripping of said guilt.

I once posted a personal opinion about a company on my personal website. The website was in no way affiliated with the company, nor was it in any way affiliated with any of it's competitors. Needless to say, the opinion painted said company in a somewhat negative light. Also, I should mention, I was employeed by this company.

Without going into details I will simply say that I expressed my dislike for how heavily influenced the joint was by the evil empire Microsoft and the infamous Bill "Farquad" Gates.

I was young and foolish and managed to orchestrate a wonderfully poignant firing despite having never been layed off before. For days afterwards, weeks even, I tossed and turned in bed. My mind raced through the various circumstances, words uttered, and thoughts typed. The guilt lanced through me like a whale harpoon over and over. The parents were, of course, devastated. There were issues of both honor and respect at hand, afterall. "Don't you always speak of Integrity?!" they asked.

So things went. It wasn't till later, high atop a 40 foot ladder on the banks of the Kennebec river, that things started to finally, once again, brighten for me. I was out in the open air in the August sun. I was painting and getting sweaty and earning an honest dollar with every passing hour. The troubles of the corporate drama behind me and the world just seemed alright.

I can look back now and see that I was a victum of the corporate machine. I was a victum of the status quo and the resistance to change. I can see how the giant, secretly petrified machine, snuffed me out like a tiny match without a second thought. Was I misguided, perhaps, in posting negative thoughts about my company? Sure, maybe it wasn't the brightest thing to do.. but was I wrong? That is, of course, what I was supposed to think - and did think for some time. I was wrong and would have to be reformed! Sent back to be re-educated in the conduct of higher business. Reformatted...

.. and they almost got me, too. For a few weeks I was there, on the edge. Trying not to fall into the trap but getting sucked in nonetheless. But in the end fabricated guilt only goes so far. I knew in my heart of hearts that I could have been more thoughtful, might have hesitated before posting, but I was not wrong.

Guilt should come from within, not from anywhere else. Don't let the system slap you around - you are the one that knows best for you.