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Michael considered fate at 15:57   |   Permalink   |   Post a Comment

Do you ever get burning episodes of nostalgia?

I do. All of the time. It's precisely why I'm not so keen on the photograph - it's a melancholy reminder of what ain't-no-mo'. I always avoid pictures. I don't run screaming from a camera but I never rush to get into the group photo, either.

Shit gets better with age, too. Even memories. What once was a slight upset victory over the rival team becomes a "Roaring come-from-behind smashing" of one's "most hated enemies". That girlfriend who was alright but a little whiny and kinda butch becomes "One of the hottest girls I ever slept with".

What doesn't necessarily get better is my old roommates though. Since I was saying from day one how damn fucking cool they were, they don't have a lot of headroom to go up. Of all the fighting and bickering and generally shitty feelings between roommates you see - none of it really ever happened at our pad. I think I can attribute a number of factors to the positive outcome:

1. There were five of us. It was always easy to find someone else to hang with if someone was pissing you off.

2. Half of us slept till 3pm every day, the other half were out of the apartment by 8am. So we didn't see eachother constantly. That made the time we did spend together pretty quality.

3. The apartment was HUGE. If someone pissed you off you could go to the other end of the joint and you'd be about half a mile away.

4. The place was an absolute mess. This alleviated the number one roommate issue: cleaning. By (silent) agreement we all (sort of) came to terms with living in complete squallor and therefore no one ever had to get mad that they were the only one cleaning. Okay, this is a slight lie.. but close. We never went for the weekly cleaning scheduled. We never rotated chores. We just lived like pigs. It wasn't always the nicest scene to come home to but you knew you wouldn't walk into a roommate yelling about all the cleaning they've done and how little you contribute.

5. We shared food. Well, some of us did. Although this degraded over time there were a core few who hung on and pooled resources and sure, it might not have been the most efficient and one person might have gained from another by eating more.. but who cares? It was a social outing to have dinner. It was a group activity to do the dishes. Dishes go by much easier when you have a partner.

6. They were all damn cool people. Despite a few lapses in judgement we were all thoughtful and mostly respectful of eachother and had fun together. Even though my batting practice in the living room with empty beer bottles didn't gain me as many approval points as I might have hoped I did at least clean up after myself.

7. Among the five of us there were probably 6 different social groups at least. This kept things varied and spicy and there was always someone new to meet and another party to have and one more round of asshole to play. Things moved and they kept moving. Nothing was stagnant about the atmosphere.

8. We got broken into a number of times. This built comraderie. We were as one against the thieving hordes. We never got anything stolen but for sure it brought us together. Heh.. okay, I'm joking about this one. I don't think anyone even thought twice about the break-ins - except for maybe a good chuckle.

9. We had at least six couches. Who can't get along when everyone gets their own couch??!

10. We drank enough not to get worked up about much anything in the first place.

I finally found my ex-roommate Jen's email address after much searching and sent her a note yesterday. I didn't even know if she'd check that account but I gave it a whirl. It had been about a year since I saw her last. The other three I've seen somewhat recently (in the last few months anyway) and everyone was doing fine but I had lost complete contact with Jen. She was always a sort of enigma - an odd girl to say the least. A party animal her freshman year (one below me) but a closet smarty-pants always crankin' out the hours at the library. She was the sort that wouldn't be a drinker in the States but in Canada almost everyone is - but in a good way. There is something to be said for learning how to drink early on and doing it right. She was cute and terribly attractive and probably the only girl I've ever had a serious crush on and been able to keep myself out of trouble. Every other time I end up doing something stupid - spill my guts or create some awkward situation.. but with her, she moved in and I spent two long years living with her in (almost) complete harmony and became really good friends but never once did I step over the line. Sure, once I got to know her well I found out she was a bit of a wacko and that helped me stay away from any mistakes - but by now I've learned everyone is a wacko and if I was back in the situation I'd be making those mistakes now.

I got an email back from her today. She is studying rat brains at Syracuse University - NCAA Men's Basketball Champions. Rat brains. This is sort of funny to me because another roommate from another time is at Buffalo University studying rats - but for audiology. Did you know you could get an AD? (I think). Not an MD or a PhD, but an AD. Audiology Doctorate. Go figure.

My other ex-roommate from that era, Kevin, is notorious for his lack of keep-in-touch skills. I'm pretty bad myself but this guy is horrible. I saw him over New Year's and met his sweet girlfriend and had some beers and everything was pretty much the same despite not hearing from him for eons. I sent him a CD of live Frank Zappa when I got home, though, and low and behold I got an email from him. Sometimes it takes a little work to keep the love alive.. but it's better than the nostalgia. The here and now is better than the melancholy of what once was. A person in person is always better than a photo.

It's worth the work.