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Michael considered fate at 13:44   |   Permalink   |   Post a Comment

somebody put their finger in the president's ears
it wasn't too much later they came out with Johnson's Wax

I have the strangest ear wax in the world. About once or twice a week it rolls out in a perfectly round little ball. When I go to clean my ears with a q-tip I get nothing.

Uneventful. But it's like a curse that is the cure, as popie would say.

Tony thinks he has no confidence. He thinks he is the worst at talking to pretty girls.

He doesn't know the half of it.

Tuesday - trivia night - I was sitting - alone - at the bar. I was watching the sox on the telly and sipping my Boddington's minding my own business. I was trying to avoid - ignore - the cute girl that I knew was in the other room. I knew she was there because I checked - because I don't leave well enough alone. Because I couldn't leave well enough alone I had to get up into my own business and make some motions. So I made a motion and I got myself up out of that bar stool and I wandered over into that other room and I wandered right up to that cute girl, the whole while my inside - my inner monologue - screaming at me

NOooo! What are you doing!? You will screw this up

I said hi and do you work in radiology i think i saw you in the hospital the other day yah maybe you know my friend she used to work there oh just wanted to say hi my name is mike okay gotta go.

She smiled and asked me questions and was nicer than she had to be and I ran back to my bar stool and back to my boddington's. She asked if my team had shown up yet and was I going to join their team if they didn't?

But Mark did show and we cranked out a winning round - first outright win with nary a cheat - and the intercom boomed with our team name

4-NIC-8

We are, forever, mature.


Thursday I says let us get trashed - three sheets and a pillow case to the wind. Sloshed. Pie-Eyed. I had a beer and then another beer and then one more at which point it occurred to me:

my new mantra, my resolution, my answer to life's many questions - it was right there in front of me the whole time. I must simply ask myself

What would the Dude do?

And the answer is, of course, the Dude would most likely pour himself a white russian and draw a bath and relax, man.. relax.

But at this point, many beers in, I was wary of the beer before liquor warning and so I stuck to the beers.

Beers in the Ears.

I got on the bus - the express straight through - and fell fast asleep until it pulled up at it's last stop: Beercity.

I stepped onto the sidewalk and looked around. The city lights were bright and sparkling against the deep darkness of the summer sky. The was music and lots of people. Ahh beercity.

We wandered into a bar and sat down and who should be there, right there, right next to us but the very cute trivia girl? The very one indeed. They pushed and prodded, my friends, and told me to go talk to her and say hi but my lips were sewn with the silence of the drunk and my mind sloshed slowly as if a vat of heavy molasses. In my mind I got up and walked over and said hi, how yah do? and what's happening did you like that song? but it was only in my mind and my feet were still in the same holes in the floor from before.

She squeezed my arm and said hi and this time it was real so I said hi back and they.. they laughed at me and told me to ask for her number and I scowled i can handle it at them and she laughed and she asked them

"Do yah suppose I have to throw myself at him?!"

I didn't know it was that bad.

She threw herself at me.

No, really. Physically threw herself. She thought it was funny. It didn't work. I still bumbled over the words. But she told me I looked like Ben Seaver and you know how tickled that makes me (groan) and she gave me her number. We all spilled out onto the sidewalk and looked up at the dark summer sky and looked around at eachother and we sent nice-to-meet-yahs all around and then we went our separate ways...

down the cobbled streets.

alone.