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Michael considered fate at 01:42   |   Permalink   |   Post a Comment

It's late and I just stumbled in from work but I thought of something so I came to write it down, here, for you good folk.

I think I figured out why people go soft and get dull and stop moving when they get married. I think I figured out what makes people stop being people and start being couch potatoes and start being so uptight.

It's the direct result of infusing two people's bedrooms (or more generally, two people's living spaces) into the same one. It is the result of two messes that cannot co-exist because there is space for only one. And, as a result, both people must put so much energy into keeping that space clean - energy into keeping the place free because if one person can't have a mess than the other certainly can't - that they simply stop being people and becoming cleaning machines. I know.

Every once in awhile I go through my room like a tornado and it becomes the cleanest you'll ever see. I pack away clothes into drawers, I stack CDs, I shelf books. I throw away old magazines, I change my sheets, I even sweep. I take out all the trash, I collect all the loose change, and I dust off the top of the tv and the top of the dressers and the top of the mirror. I throw away ripped clothing, I cram things into boxes, and I put all the posters back up that have fallen down over the last few months. I try to get the grime off the fan. I try to hide as much of the speaker wire and electrical wire and computer wire and phone wire and cable wire as I can. I route it behind the desk and under the rug. I pick pictures up off the floor and tape them back up. I consider throwing away the girls phone numbers that I'll never call again.

And it all takes a lot of work. To be quite honest it wears me out. I get tired of it. But by the time I am done I am pleased and satisfied with my work. I look over my new kingdom with a smile and a certain sweaty-tiredness that is rewarding in it's own right.. And for a few weeks after that I come home from work and I hang up my dress shirts. I fold my pants and I put my shoes away. I make my bed and I pick the pillows up off the floor and place them just so on the bed and I sweep again. I put my backpack away and I pile the dirty laundry in the corner and keep a neat pile of spare change on the dresser. I use one glass for water and one glass only..

And it all takes a lot of work. To be quite honest it wears me out. I get tired of it. After awhile I put the shirt on the back of my desk chair. I throw my pants across the seat and I toss my socks on the floor. I leave that old magazine lying around because I haven't quite read all the articles yet and I might get to it. The laundry starts piling up and spilling into the rest of the room - have you seen "The Blob"? It's just like that. I stop making the bed and half the pillows disappear under the bed or off the side. Dust begins to creep. Shoes lay strewn across the floor and books get stacked one on top of another on top of another on the dresser. Water glasses and cereal bowls and dinner plates appear out of nowhere. Large pack animals begin to congregate in my closet and the mob moves into my hallway..

And all because it's just a little too much work. It's tiring. So is it any surprise that, forced to keep such a level of clean - such a level of complete unclutteredness - that someone would turn into a complete zombie? When is the most satisfying TV watching?... That's right! What's more enjoyable after a big spring cleaning than just plopping your ass on the couch and sucking in some quality cable? Is it any wonder that marriage kills the geniuses? Is it any wonder that marriage tames the wild ones? Is it any wonder at all? Not really, folks... it's just the cleaning. It's the cleaning that'll get you.