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Michael considered fate at 21:09   |   Permalink   |   Post a Comment

I awoke this morning to the sound of my own mind playing my favourite tunes and waltzing to unlived memories. Acting out the sunny happiness of someone in love with life and living for the moment and liking themselves.

I was dreaming, of course. The only dreams I remember are those half-awake semi-lucid illusions you play with like a rubics-cube - always getting closer but never quite getting it. You can't quite make them - the dreams that is - do what you want but you can steer the subject matter and maybe even the people involved.

It's all about the people involved, too. Life isn't about the desk in front of you or the paycheck in your inbox. It is, but it's the people - interaction - that's what makes us laugh and cry and wonder about our own mortality.

There is only one single life that we get to live on this bitter-sweet earth. We get to walk along but only one path. The relationships we have with other people are what connects us with the other paths. Friends are what allow us glances up and down those other paths, their dark green foliage and red rasberry bushes bright in the sunlight or the pelting rain of a monsoon or even the deep snow of a wintery foot trail. Everyone is a little different.

In my mind things were happening fast. They always do in dreams. Dreams are like entire shows crammed into 5 second intervals. They come quick and in pairs or triplets even, and sometimes just cycle over and over again in your barely conscience state. This particular set of dreams weren't working out right. The right people were there and the right things were happening but the results were mixed and confused and, having the slight control that I did, I kept hitting the reset button. Starting over from the beginning hoping maybe this time things would come out a little different, a little better. But they didn't. They wouldn't.



Sometimes your intuition is yelling at you and you're ignoring it and hoping it's wrong and telling yourself it doesn't know what the hell it is talking about. But that's the thing with intuition - it makes it's way into your dreams and twists and turns what would have been a nice memory into a disturbing nightmare. Sometimes not a ghoulism dark nightmare, but just unsettling enough to feel uneasy about it. You can hit the reset button all you want and it won't help you at all because you've become a prisoner of your gut telling you that you're wrong.

It's memories that I'm stealing
But you're innocent when you dream
when you dream.