and she said.. "how you interpret the dream is probably more important than the dream itself"

I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe
Where I'm bound, I can't tell
But goodbye's too good a word, gal
So I'll just say fare thee well
I ain't sayin' you treated me unkind
You could have done better but I don't mind
You just kinda wasted my precious time
But don't think twice, it's all right

I know I know, I'm usually not such a mushtart. I usually don't run around quoting lyrics a whole bunch and I try to avoid the poetry like the plague, too. Mostly it's because when I'm reading someone else's site I skip over it. I like to get straight to the juicy stuff and if it's juicy enough maybe I'll look back at the lyrics later to see if they were pertinent enough. Thing is, no matter how much lyrics may say what you're thinking, no matter how connected you feel to that song - they are only words. It is only notes on a staff and drum beats and there is absolutely no feeling in the song. The feeling is all in you.

So tonight the feeling is in me but that's no surprise because it's pushing 2am here in the port city and I'm still wide awake starring at the screen. Like any good insomniac I'm accomplishing meaningless tasks - like sorting out my mp3 collection. I found a script to download album cover art for each song. I found a tool to weed out my duplicates. I found a song to drown my heart. So, it's all working out for me tonight.. I'm lucky.

Sometimes a song does seem to fit just right in my life, at a certain point, almost as if it were written specifically for me. So I play it over and over again. I really dig right into the meat of the melancholy and stir up as much of those muddy dark feelings as I can. I wallow. I punch holes through walls in my head. I have trouble breathing but it's mental. I bounce off the padded walls of my own skull and all the while I know I'm as normal a human being as the next guy and it makes me wonder how any of us get up in the morning at all. It makes me wonder how the world continues to spin about it's axis everyday and how the New York Time gets printed and how the sun rises up over the Atlantic Ocean and paints the first piece of American soil - Cadillac Mountain on Mt. Desert Island in Maine - with it's sparkling colours. I wonder how all this happens without everything going to shit. I mean, I can barely brush my teeth in the morning. The universe is expanding, not collapsing, and it's even speeding up they tell us, not slowing down. Doesn't that worry you in the least bit?

Ignorance is bliss and if that is true it doesn't explain my situation. I'm lost in a dark tunnel and there is no clear exit. I can hear noises and crawl around on my hands and knees but that's the best I can do. I've been given a flashlight with no batteries, a gun with no bullets, and a paddle. I'm not even sure what the paddle is for. I've been crawling and paddling and clicking the gun rapidly while pointing out into the darkness and I'm still confused. I still do not know what is going on.

After awhile in a situation like this you start to lose steam. You can't keep it up forever. Even Marathoners collapse sometimes as the cross the finish line. I think I'm ready to collapse. I think I'm ready to walk down the lonely road. I mean heck, the road I have been walking down has been pretty lonely lately.. even with all the crowds and such.

And if you don't understand this post, well.. do it like dylan said. Don't think twice, it's alright.