and she said.. "how you interpret the dream is probably more important than the dream itself"

I gotta admit, I think about shit a lot.

No, really. Shit. Not "what do you think of this shit?" or "What the fuck is this shit?" but actual real shit. Poop. Duty. Deuce. The brown stuff.

There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who think shit is funny and those who don't.

I don't have to tell you that that is a big fat metaphor for life, do I?

If you can't laugh at the crap then what do you really have?

The last time I got high (on life) I was eating a big blue-cheese and buffalo chicken pizza with a few friends (Just writing that sentence made my saliva glands physically squish out piles like nobody's business). I was eating this pizza and talking about food (of course) and Dan the man told me the last thing he ate was Macaroni & Cheese & Hot Dogs.

Holy mother fucking shit, I thought. I didn't think anyone else ate that crap.

He said he boiled up the elbows and chopped up a bunch of hotdogs but he said he boiled the dogs, too.. I fry 'em. I haven't boiled a hot dog since, god.. I don't know when. Used to get that a lot when I was a kid - boiled hot dogs - it was always horrible because the 'rents would put the rolls on the steamer ontop of the 'dogs and inevitably over-steam them and they'd be soggy and sometimes a corner of the roll would be drippy with dog water and here in Maine - if you didn't know - we have real hot dogs that are red with cancerous dye and use natural casings (that's piglet intestines to you) and they are FUCKING good but they turn the water a hue of pink and a shade of red and of course the rolls will soak that shit up like a tampon and well.. soggy hot dog rolls aren't all that fun. So I never boil my dogs anymore, I fry or grill 'em.

But Dan boils 'em and he did and ate Mac&Cheese&Hotdogs.. which at the time blew my mind, even though it was already about ready to burst from the blue cheese and buffalo chicken pizza. (there goes my salivary glands again, like clockwork, like a fucking automated sprinkler system.. I'm not even hungry).

So then we started talking about how good hot dogs are. Crap, really. I'm not even kidding crap. Scrap crap. If you've ever seen 'em made you'd puke on your own mother's shoes but you'd still eat them cause gosh their good. So hot dogs in everything, we said. Hot dogs and beans. Hot dogs and rice. Hot dog fried rice. We laughed a lot about that one... that was pretty much the first idea that set us down the slippery slope of what's the funniest thing to combine hotdogs with conversation.

Hot dog soup.

Hot dog stew.

Hot dogs and cranberry sauce.

We figured a full french dinner should have a hot dog course. That was pretty funny.

Hot Dog flavoured Doritos.

We lamented the fact that there wasn't a single national fast food chain that served the dog. WHAT THE FUCK is up with that, America?

But it all culminated with hot dog lemonade. Little dehydrated hot dog bits in your Country Time lemonade mix, just like the little marshmellows in the Swiss Miss. You'd mix it up with some fresh cold spring water and those little pink buggers would plump right up. Mmm. They'd have commercials - the kind where you count down the days of summer while the kids ride bicycles down country lanes..

"Only 20 days left in summer.. "

Then they'd show some old grandpappy sitting on a porch with his mopey beagle laying there and he'd be sipping at some deliciously refreshening hot dog lemonade. Mmmm Mm.

I know a lot of people who wouldn't think there was a single funny sentence in all of that. fuck 'em.

They are probably the same people who think it's weird to keep note of one's defecation habits so closely.. Like timing things to drop the cosby's off at the pool only when you're at work (hey, why not - you're getting paid for it). Or like the entire year I took a shower directly after every duty - probably one of the best habits I've ever had.

These are the same people who might think it's odd to work at 9PM at night or weird to brush your teeth at work or strange to not eat for an entire day. Or off to jerkoff more than a few times a week. People are sooooo normal it hurts.

And they don't think shit is funny.