and she said.. "how you interpret the dream is probably more important than the dream itself"

If time meant anything to me then today would be an important day for me. It would mean a substantial block of time has passed - a nice round number of a block of time - since a certain someone has come into my life.

6 months.

But people have a way of letting you down and time doesn't mean anything to me but how long I have to wait till the next restful sleep or the next trip into surreality - whether it be killing people in Halo or reading a good book.. because lately this life hasn't been all it's cracked up to be.

If you didn't know you'd think maybe I sound like a whiner but that's not it really. I like to call it logical cynicism.

The logical part comes from it being backed up over and over and over again by real-world examples. Reinforced with actual data from the field.

People suck.

Sometimes I lay in bed at night trying to read and the words drive in through my eyes and down into my brain and mill about but I don't really absorb them because I am too busy wondering how many people out there have been slighted by me. I know I've gotten it plenty good from plenty of people so I must have handed it out quite a few times so far, no?

We're all in this together. I'm as much at fault as the next guy.

But that doesn't keep people from letting me down and that's what really eats at me cause I'm a selfish bastard just like you.

It eats at me so much that I have a big black hole in my heart now, where once there was love.

and the result is a big fat lie I just I told

putting me smack dab

square in the middle

with the rest of them.

When you're trying to tighten the screws down and put the hurt on someone maybe it's about then that you should step back and look at your life and your situation and ask yourself if it's at all worth it. Is your integrity worth the moral slight?

I wish I could take the moral highground right about now but I can't. I'm down in the trenches and there isn't anyway to get there from here. I just have to trudge my way through this slop first and gain a little ground before I can find a suitable place to start the climb back up. I'm too weak right now to attempt it - especially in this weather. I need time to rest.