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waste

Michael considered fate at 18:19   |   Permalink   |   Post a Comment

I haven't written today because I've been fighting a bout of laze which is threatening to take over my entire being. These fights wear me down and will, inevitably, leave me weak and defenseless when the time comes to fight the good fight.

I will lose.

Whatever that good fight is. I haven't quite worked it out in my head yet.

I had a discussion the other day with someone about human thoughts. They listed some astronomical number which represented the average number of thoughts a human has in a given day as if the number could sum up life itself. They then told me that most of those thoughts - in fact 99.99% of them - are thoughts that human has had before. They essentially told me it's all been done before.. by me! I've already thought these things, considered them, discarded them, saved them for later.. who knows. But it's all been done before.

I suspect that should make me feel pretty crappy but it doesn't. I don't mind. But I do notice this phenomenon on a daily basis. The thought that I should clean my room or go grocery shopping... all the way down to the tiny emotions you almost don't even notice. The blanching at the hot coffee in the morning, the reactionary thought to put milk in it, the reply that I don't like milk in my coffee, the suggestion that I combine the milk with some sugar - make it sweet, the excuse that I'm too lazy to crack the creamer - I just want my coffee. Now.

These thoughts have all been thunk before.

Almost every time I write a post I have to hit the period <.> key a few times. Everytime I do I will pause at least once during that post, right after adding a period to the end of a sentence, and I will consider the complete and utter uselessness of my double-space. You see, back in the days of Bank Street Writer and the such, one was taught to add two spaces at the end of a sentence. For neatness? I dunno. Regardless, it was standard. MLA type shit. Then, somewhere along the line people stopped using the double-space. I haven't. I still double-space. After. Every. Single. Sentence. But HTML, that wonderful text decoration language, is rendered automatically to ignore multiple spaces. It doesn't matter. I can give you as many spaces as I feel like after a period and you will only ever see a single space. Just one.

So I think about this every time I write a post. At least once during that post. It's one of those fleeting thoughts that go whipping through your head so fast you almost forget you have them - almost become oblivious of the fact that you're having it even when you're thinking it. Pushed about as far back towards the subconcious as possible. And every time I think of how I could mention how this irritates me. Irritates me that we don't double-space anymore. Irritates me that I think about it. Irritates me that I have already, in fact, written a post about this very topic matter and may in fact have written two.. And every single double-space I tap out with my aging fingers.. every single time I pause to have that thought.. I am loosing time. Loosing precious milliseconds from my life. Precious. little. milli. seconds.

And it pains me. Pains me to think of the lost time and the screaming speed of the universe racing through my tiny little head as it pedals past the windows like the wicked wicked witch - which? - of the west.. wicked wicked witch.. cackling at my lost time like hansel and gretel in the oven. A funny delicious thought if you're a witch.

Fucking witches.