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you remember that thing in my nose?

Alex considered fate at 04:23   |   Permalink   |   Post a Comment

I mentioned it on the blog. I think those days are finally over. I forced the thing out just now. It kind of hurts, leading me to suspect I've just ripped out a scab (I'm not sure where it went, or I'd have a better idea), but perhaps that sensation is attributable to the hairs that surely were ripped out during the process. It wasn't so much pickation as it was exploration. Reparation, if you will.

I have an hour to finish this presentation before I get less than eight hours of sleep. Which would be a bad thing.

I got pissy at my kiting partner today. We went down to the beach, blowing hard, I went out on my smallest kite, I come back (not windy enough), offer him my biggest one, start with my medium, but within minutes, it's obviously to light for that. So, I tell him to go ahead on my big one, he goes and, perhaps an hour later, comes back. I have been on the beach, chatting. No big deal, I'm glad that he's out. Anyway, he comes back, we switch, but the wind near shore is really shifty (always is). So I'm struggling, drop the board as I'm about knee deep; it get pushed away by the waves. Meanwhile, he knows it really shifty, and is nowhere to be found. I get a little irritated, and just then wind dies, kite falls. This is hard to miss, so he runs over, helps me relaunch, and walks back to the people he doesn't really know talking on the beach. Once again I drop the board. Why the fuck didn't he stay to help me this time? I think. I call him over, but he is already too far away. Anyway, ended up dropping the kite again, wind dying,he comes over and I express my irritation with him. Do you know the anger paradigm?

If y takes (benefit) z in the condition: (X thinks that) Bzx * Fx > Bzy * Fy, X gets angry

read: benefit of z (item, event) to individual x multiplied by the formidability (ability to impose costs) of x is greater than benefit of z to individual y multiplied by the formidability of y

We will assume equal formidability. The opportunity benefit (him gong to talk to the other people, none of whom were chicks) meant that he took the opportunity benefit (helping me with the board) from me. I interpreted the opportunity benefit, or his time, to be more valuable to me than to him. He was, in my (subconscious) conception, 1) underestimating the value of his time to me 2) overestimating the value of his time to him 3) underestimating my formidabilty 4) overestimating his formidabilty or 5) being a little bitch. Any of which satisfy the above condition. So I got pissy and told him that I was irritated. And he apologized. Well, first he asked me if I was serious, then he apologized. This is a wonderful thing to be aware of, because it really explains nearly all anger. When I get angry that the girl isn't writing me, it's because of this. Underestimating the benefit I would get from her letter. It also predicts that the higher the discrepancy between benefit to me and benefit to you (you could help me get my taxes in on time just by letting me hand you the fucking envelope, and all it costs you is extending your hand even though it's 5:01), the angrier I will get. I hate that asshole.

I hate you, too. Not you, mike. Not you, girls. Some other person. Some other person that is reading this . . . someone who thinks in their black, ungenerous heart, this guy is a loser. Or maybe, this guy is a lobster. Just two little letters. A world of difference.