and she said.. "how you interpret the dream is probably more important than the dream itself"

I don't ever get what I want. I mean, I get what I want in a more general sense, in a life-really-ain't-that-bad-can't-complain-I-guess sort of way. In a I-live-a-charmed-life sort of way. In a okay-shut-up-and-stop-talking-about-yourself-you-fucking-narccistic-bastard sort of way.. But when it comes to the real stuff - the day to day - I ain't gettin' shit. I get good looks and free baseball tickets and stuff like that: things that aren't planned or asked for. But let me tell you if I ask for something: 100% guaranteed I ain't getting it. No way jose.

I asked for a pony once. Didn't get it. Okay, I didn't ask for a pony. But I asked for a girl to go out with me once and that didn't work out. In a brief lapse of my logical atheism I asked God to do-this-one-thing-for-me-and-I'll-never-ask-you-again once. Didn't work out. I asked another girl if she could give me a promise - not a relationship promise like you might be thinking but a just-tell-me-it's-possible sort of promise.. and, with batted eye lashes she assured me that yes (she promised) it was possible and you know what?

She lied.

I don't want to get all preachy here but.. guys, dolls.. do everyone a big fat favour and tell the goddamned motherfucking truth. Mmkay? Is that a lot to ask? I didn't think so.

The thing with the truth is it hurts.. Sure, we all know that. It can hurt pretty bad.. But what a lot of people don't know or realize is that the truth only hurts real bad when it's old. The older a truth is when you find it out, the harder it whips the llama's ass.

Take the lady for example. Coulda told me the truth straight up and it would have been like a slap on the wrist. Woulda been a bug bite I'd have to scratch for a few days but it would eventually heal up and go away. But she didn't. She stretched out the truth like a big gob of salt-water taffy and she wrapped it around her finger till it looked like the way she wanted it to; so it didn't make her feel bad about the shit she was throwing because she could pretend otherwise. Only problem is that by that point it was so stretched out and twisted it wasn't even the truth anymore.

Be careful how you portray the truth cause it's all perception baby. Put yourself in their shoes. Do they understand you?

As the truth gets old what it gets is hardened over and crusty and it doesn't taste nearly as good as the fresh kind. It gets musty and then dirty like an old man jerking off and no one wants to see that shit.. but the unfortunate fact here is that the truth eventually comes out no matter what and the longer you keep it inside trying to ignore it trying not to deal with it hoping it'll get easier later thinking maybe if I ignore it it'll go away the longer you avoid it - well, the harder it gets. The worse it's going to cut.

I'm a secret closet romantic so I like to pretend that people can make promises and keep them like they are something nobody can take away - like they transcend time and space and everything earthly as something near to God in their greatness. I like to think that someone's word, us all being a part of God as God is a part of us, is like the word of God and can therefore be trusted and taken to mean what it says. Would be nice to think that maybe you don't have to question it cause it is what it is: a promise. Given. Not taken.

I like to pretend that you can make a pact with someone to get married at age 40 if you haven't found anyone yet and I haven't found anyone yet and we'll just get married, cause why the hell not? You know, like you do with all your pals. I like to pretend that can be done, but seriously, and not in jest because when people say it - when they make that promise - they believe in it whole heartedly, I know they do I've made the promise. It's a joke when they do it - ha ha, it's funny to think we'd get married... .. nah, ha ha it would never happen - but it's also terribly real underneath like the band-aid on that fear that we'll end up alone someday. No one wants to die alone.. Course we all do die alone but the part that no one talks about is that great middle part - the mid-life, you know, when you have a crisis - no one talks about that as being important like life is just two parts - being born and dying with a whole lotta nothing inbetween. Lightbulb On - News Flash folks - life is about the middle part, the living part, that's the part to be truly scared of. It's the stuff in the sandwich that's the meat of it, not the bread-ends. That's what you should fear. We're all going to die, we're all dying slowly inside.. don't fear the reaper cause he be coming anyway so embrace him, ask him in, offer him a cup of tea.. But fear that middle part where you could be alone.. That's going to be the hard part.

I think anyway.

Which is why it would be nice to exchange truths with people. Real promises. Be able to get down to the heart of the matter and really communicate openly with nothing but truth truth true truth. You know? Cause really, everything else is

Just a lie.