and she said.. "how you interpret the dream is probably more important than the dream itself"

Kinda noticed it was all about money yesterday.. like that was what was on my mind. Based on the posts, anyway.. but it wasn't. I wasn't thinking about money at all except maybe when I was listening to Pink Floyd's Money which is, well, money.. no pun intended. Thing about money is that it comes and goes. It flows. It changes hands and lands.. where nobody knows. It's a dynamic piece 'o the pie just like relationships and that hairy growth on your back. So some days maybe you got it somedays maybes yous don't. So what? Can't be putting too much of your happiness on those little greenbacks cause it'll be all for naught.

One thing i have conquered in my short little life so far is that of Want. Sure, I ant things. Doritios when I'm hungry or maybe a new car or a house or a motorcycle or or or. But not really. Thing is, the want isn't so bad that it's commanding my life. The Want is like a friendly neighbour.. I see him every once in awhile and shoot the shit but most of the time I just wave to him when he's mowing his lawn. We're not intimate, is what I'm saying.

Maybe was a point in time once when I was a bit more intimate with Want... you know, in that American-Beauty-gay-military-neighbour-dude sort of way.. but not anymore. I conquered the want and I did it in the simplest way possible - I gorged myself on it. I wanted everything around me. TVs and girlfriends and popularity and watches and boats and cars and food. There was nothing I did not want for. This was a process, of course, like a coming of age deal.. Started sometime in middle school and probably followed me all the way to graduation but now, now I'm free. I want for nothing. I got to the point where I'd reach what I want and I was quick-witted enough to snap my head around and look at where I came from - look at that place I was in when I was wanting so badly, and then to turn my head back around and look at where I am now, not wanting.. no longer needing.. and I was smaat enough to realize this: I didn't feel any different. My life was not better for having a 32 inch tv. My life was not better for having an iPod or an Xbox or a motorcycle or a girlfriend. I was still me with all the same problems and all the great fortunes as before.

So I licked that want pretty good. Kicked it dead. Now it don't find refuge 'neath these lids no more.

Unfortunately what I haven't licked is the money itself. Taught, raised, brought up to know that money is a commodity - THE commodity - it's like a way of life. I collect it. Not stamps or antiques or old cars, but money. I hord it. I stack it up. I watch it accumulate. Such is my lot in life.. Luckily I rarely want for it, I just keep it when I have it. Some call that cheap. Some call it thrifty and frugal.. but it's really not about the keeping of money for later security.. it's just some weird obsession with the bottom line.. Like watching the score when you play Super Mario Brothers. No one ever watched the score. It was all about winning the game. Beating the Final dungeon level on world eight. But every once in awhile you'd come across some crazy dude who was so damn good at the game that his game - his goal - was all about score, and about playing over and over as it got harder and harder and just racking up those points after points after points. See? That's me with the money.. cause I've licked the game of Want.