and she said.. "how you interpret the dream is probably more important than the dream itself"

Dude. 60 pages in and swinging hard. The whole spacial contraction is still hard to grasp. And I don't think he did a great job with the train / warring nations thing. But it's been interesting. The most interesting thing so far is the idea, which I have never heard before, that velocity is shared between the spatial dimensions and the time dimension. That's pretty rockin.

I'm reading it instead of reading my reading list articles. Perhaps this will spell doom for my exam. But, it's so hard for me to get motivated to read, that given how motivated Iam to read this (now that I have it, finally) that I respect my brain's compulsion to see it through. I may not sleep tonight.

My brother proposed (to himself, and repeated it later to me) to fail his qualifying exams intensionally to be let out of his phd program with a masters. That's fucking interesting, dude. But funny enough, I kind of got re-motivated today. I realized that a large part of what has made me feel like shit academically is how slow this year's labs were compared to last year. I have decided to take more control of our lab meetings. Bring up interesting points. Throw around ideas. Have experiments running at all times. Fuck it, dude. Daphne will have to understand.

I think I will see this thing through. It's become more than just intertia these days. My motivation for other things has waned. It's wierd, but I don't really want to do anything else that bad anymore. My fantasies of kitesurfing off in the carribean fade, as even two days of kiting a week I find more than enough. I want to play more music, though. I want Ted to ask me to play with him real bad. I want to be in a good band.

Fuck it dood. I got the spins . . . subtle, but unpleasant. Perhaps an effect of the coffee. I'm going home. Sorry I haven't written for fucking ever. All you anonymous readers out there can still fuck yourselves. Did I tell you about the kids the other night? After the cops left, giving those underage nothing but a warning, I was summoned to my car to let one of the girls in. Being loopy as fuck, I got completely lost, and ended up attracted to the only burning fire in the campground. It was inhabited by early teenage boys. 13. 14. perhaps some 12. They offered me cookies. I tok them, let the girl in, and returned to them with Rachel. We sat with them and chatted. I think they were pretty freaked out; it seemed like they were embarassed to smile. At one point I went around and repeated their names, and upon my completion did a little victory dance in my seat. It was funny. One of the kids almost laughed, but didn't. I swore a lot. Mostly to tell them how fucking happy I was that they gave us cookies. But it was pretty wierd nonetheless. I wish I had connected with them more. I wish we had talked about what was important to THEM. I tried, but they didn't get it, or were unwilling to go there. Fuck, it's hard enough to get undergrads to talk about themselves. You want to hear the excercise that was a complete failure today? I wanted to get them thinking about, yes, adaptations, constraints, and byproducts. So I started with, let's take a few minutes to think about some part of human life that interests you. Then we'll try and figure out why that thing is the way it is. Examples were given. Object permanence. Girls enjoyment of flowers. ANYTHING! I says. Nothing. Five minutes of nothing. I had to lead them through every fucking step myself. alas. They enjoyed it.

I felt a little lonely tonight. sad. but also spinny and irritable and just wanting to read this book. goodnight.