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Lists

Michael considered fate at 19:03   |   Permalink   |   Post a Comment

Frankly, I'm a list fan. Ever since my 2nd & 4th year high school english teacher pointed out that all great writers use lists in their prose, i've liked them. The perfect example he loved to use was the list of guests arriving at the Great Gatsby's parties. I'd love to be able to say that I was the originator of this thought - that I came up with liking lists all by myself - but alas, I'm a copycat.

It's funny that at the same time I was learning about lists from my english teacher my world history teacher was basically teaching an entire course through simple lists. He was, by all accounts, a list fiend.

5 Reasons Rome Fell.

The 4 Julian Emperors.

The 5 Largest Technical achievments of the Greeks.

And that's just the beginning. He used lists for everything. Important historical figures became lists of accomplishments and dates. Wars became lists of battles. Battles became lists of key personnel. Personnel became numbers.

For a high school history class it worked pretty well.

So ever since then I've been a big fan of lists. It's no wonder I enjoyed high fidelity and all it's wonderous lists.. in fact it's no wonder that I often argue in lists. Lists are bite-sized. Consumable. They aren't large bodies of text that make a person jump right over to the conclusion. They engage...

Lists are awful fun.

Here are two lists. Just for you. From me, to you. All for you. Just cause....well.. just cause i like to bleed.

Top Three College Parties

3. Parties are all about the people and because of that I'm going to have to say that New Years of Ought 2 has got to be the standing winner of all new years to date in my life. Lots of people returning to our old stomping grounds of Montreal to relive our heady days as drunk, dumb, undergraduates. In the end we threw a houseparty with a few kegs of really bad Quebec microbrew and we didn't even leave the house. As new years was on a Wednesday, we spent the entire week in town and drank every night. Each evening was capped off with a 4am run to St Viatur bagels to get fresh-from-the-oven baked goodness that we would stuff into our bellies until we passed out. Oh yah, we watched The Manitou that week too.

2. Toga Kegger. I'm not sure which of the Toga Keggers were the best but they were all good. Anytime there are lots of people, lots of booze, and lots of skin, it's a good time. If pressed, I'd probably go with the first one I attended. I was a new freshman, completely out of my wits, new to drinking. So new that I brought a bottle of wine to swig off of to a kegger. What the? What a shmuck.

1. I don't know if it was the biggest or if it was the best but it very well could have been. In the fall of 1999 I was a junior in college and I'd just moved into a big apartment in downtown Montreal with 4 other people. We moved in all our furniture and, realizing we had a big space to fill in the huge living room, we built a bar. We wanted to celebrate and have a sort of house-warming shindig and we figured we could stock the bar by inviting all our friends to bring a bottle of their favourite alcohol. Just to make things interesting we decided to go with a theme - dress right up in tux, tie, dress, or what have you and - because it was the right time of the year - we had the party scheduled for Sept 9th. So.. heck, 9/9/99 - Let's call it the "Dress to the 9's" party. In the end it wasn't on the 9th but the news of the party made it's way around and we filled the apartment to the brim. We drank over 22 liters of alcohol that night and had enough left over to make the bar look very respectable indeed.


Top Three Breakups

3. Cathy. The only thing that really got me about this girl was her name. It's not that I didn't like the name, it's just that it reminded me way too much of that dumb cartoon in the funnies. I was graduating from college and returning to the states. She had another year or two in Montreal. I liked her, she was cool, but... where was the passion!?! Nowhere. In the end I was a true dick about the matter, no if-ands-buts about it. I sort of stopped calling. I could explain it as a fear of confrontation - there truly wasn't any ill will - but in the end I was just a dick. She came to a large party a few weeks later that I threw and she was drinking and dancing around and having a helluva good time. I felt so guilty I had to say I was sorry but when I tried she stopped, put her hands on either side of my head to steady herself, looked me straight in the eyes, and said "Don't worry about it. It's alright". I dunno.. maybe she thought I was a dick, maybe not.. but I always appreciated that brief encounter.

2. Stephanie. I have to put this at number two because it's the longest relationship I've had - a four year stint that spanned part of high school and most of college. In the end it was the right decision for both of us. In the end we weren't right for eachother. I didn't have a whole lot of emotional struggle with the actual breakup but I do still miss the girl from time to time. I think what truly qualifys her as #2 is the fact that, after we broke up, she vented her bitterness by telling everyone that I was gay. The best fun was when she would approach some of my best friends as if they didn't see me every day: "Hey, did you hear? Mike's gay!" Luckily my friends aren't too gullible and they never bought the story but I have had to explain my heterosexuality to a few acquaintances over the years.

1. Remy. Well it's fitting isn't it folks that the number one breakup this old man can muster isn't even really a breakup at all. This girl - beautiful, that was probably my first mistake - pretty much tore the heart right out of my chest while it was still beating. Jumped up and down on it. Handed it back to me and said "Sorry, this isn't the one I'm looking for".. well not in so many words. It was a six-month teeth-gritting excersice in futile patience, waiting for a confused girl to become a strong woman. It was six-months of i-know-i-shouldn't-but-i'll-wait-around-anyways. Anyone who has paid any attention here, well, you know she dropped the heart in the garbage can and headed for Alaska. In the end I have a few good times to remember, one awkward chance encounter in a bar when I found her out on another date, and the memory of one of the more annoying "girlfriend's best-friend" you could ever imagine. And she never really was my girlfriend to boot. How'd that happen? Shmuck.


Alright, that's all I got today. I'm out.