and she said.. "how you interpret the dream is probably more important than the dream itself"

Sometimes no matter what you say or do people will read the worst into it and there is nothing that you can do.

Sometimes it's your fault - or the fault is at least related to you and your relationship with the other person. Past transgressions become current barriers will soon be future loses.

Not saying that past loses are any indication of guaranteed future loses, but hey, history is repeating.

The worst, the absolute worst, is when you make a point of trying to be thoughtful. When you leave a little morsel or nugget of wisdom and in doing so you know - you know you will be misunderstood and

... lo and behold you are misunderstood.

It's a bummer in the true sense of the word.

So this month I had a secret correspondence with the ex (spoken of below) and I was happy to hear from her - truly - because we certainly left on bad terms (rather, she was on bad terms) and I don't really like leaving anyone on bad terms. Thing was she was determined to make the terms bad no matter what and there was nothing I could do about it so I let her go. Let her move on, talk trash about me, and do her thing..

Truly no skin off my back.. even when she thought it was necessary to tell the world that I was gay.

Gay. Yah, I'm gay alright. I'm gay at the world. I am gay just to be alive. I won't lie, I'm a happy guy.

So when she contacted me this month it was interesting to see her try to tip-toe around the fact that she essentially up and walked away 4 years ago only to spend all her time berating me to people who weren't even acquainted with me - complete strangers, even. It was interesting to see her be all polite and wish me a good summer and act like we're both civilized people.

Fact is only one of us is civilized.

Crazy mental issues aside, she was a nice girl so I politely responded - I mean, I'm certainly not the bitter one. She said she wanted to meet up sometime soon, she had questions, she was feeling nostalgic, she was homesick.. I dunno. Fine, whatever. I'll get a cup of coffee and sit with you and listen while pretend to tell me you're happy (when in fact you're trying to tell yourself).

Cripes, it just makes me sad. Some people just never learn to read their own book right side up. Maybe they're afraid of what it really says? I don't know. Wake up and smell the coffee, the bitter beans brewing in the pot. Smell the roses wilting in the sun. Smell the morning breeze that can carry you away to ANYwhere you'd like to go..

.. the world is your oyster, if you can only see it.

So why, what is the point in lying to yourself? Does it work? Can you be happy knowing you're living a lie?

Can't tell you these answers - never tried it, I don't think.

So when she wrote me back saying that she had thought things over, thought that maybe it wasn't a good idea to go for coffee (in a tone that suggested this farce was all my idea) because it wouldn't be fair to her husband, wouldn't be "what married couples should be doing".. I said alright, that's cool.. In fact I responded that I agreed with her, I said honesty is the best policy, I said I respected her decision if she felt she didn't think it was right to meet. I told her that if she felt it would hurt her husband in anyway that it was nice of her to consider those feelings and do her best not to tip the apple cart.

Of course it was not meant to imply that her husband didn't have a right to those feelings.. I mean, to each their own.. I personally have less issues with jealousy than most but that doesn't discount those people who do. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, it's just a character trait.

I wasn't even the one who hinted that it was an issue.

So was I surprised when she wrote back, seething, to tell me not to push anymore of her buttons and to never belittle her marriage or her husband again? Nah.. I sort of saw it coming.

Some people will always read between the lines - even if there is nothing their to be read - and they'll come out fighting with fists clenched just because. Some people will always see the bad, always take offense, and I don't know if there is anything that can be done for them.

It still makes me sad, though.