and she said.. "how you interpret the dream is probably more important than the dream itself"

I would not even post today - would let my pal alex continue to destroy this site with his silly posts - if it were not for the fact that my very good friend - a kindred spirit, really - expressed to me that he has given up.

You see, this hits home here with me. We're kindred because we both have these long term situations with these girls who continue to chew up our insides like so much minced meat. We're kindred because we both have this belief, this powerful optimism sneaking below the surface that says yes, it will work out.. until now. Tonight, he expressed to me in not so uncertain terms that it - it - was done. He has officially given up on the only thing he has ever seen in his life that he thought was worth going after..

And that just makes me sad. So I don't mean to get in the way of fat chicks bouncing balls off their bellies as seen below but I do want to say that this is a big milestone for me, and not a good one. This is like running the Boston marathon with your best buddy and seeing them give up on the 18th mile, so close yet so far away.. The gut-wrenching realization is that they couldn't make it, what makes you think you can make it? What makes anyone think they can make it?

Fuck, and I thought I had something there .. for a split second. The thing with these situations, at least the way I see it, is that the solid facts - what you truly believe - that's what fluctuates the most.. everything else is static, fixed, unwavering. What you really want - need - to believe is what is the most uncertain of all -

how do they feel
where will they be in two years
do they even know you're alive

no, probably not. I don't want this journey to keep going but there really isn't anything I can do about it. It's out of my hands. it's a marathon I'm running, raggedly, and I think I'm losing.

If I've ever said a wise word in my whole life, let it be this: "I know this will not work out". I do. Don't get me wrong, I may be a romantic and a wishy-washy drunk but I am not naive,

I only wish I knew how.