Earlier, I thought it might be.. This might be over. I thought I might throw up a 'condemned' sign on here, or something, and leave her be for a long time. Thought this wasn't for me at all, not really anyway.
I know it's not, deep down, but I like to pretend.
Anyhow, the pretending was getting old, I wasn't posting much, and the thoughts were all sludging up inside my head and not pouring smoothly like they should. I figured it was time to throw in the towel.
It's always time to throw in the towel if I'm in enough of a bunk mood and I'm too concerned about numbers and statistics like the ones that reference the number of visitors to this site. So fuck it, I figure, if it's really time it'll be time and it'll happen, not cause of any coaxing from me but cause it's inevitable.
Nothings gonna stop us now. Nothing is gonna stop this ramblaholic from spewing like a purging bastard. If not here, somewhere. I'm not the diary-keeping type. It's gotta come out and I-guarantee-you it's gonna come out somewhere on the street, somewhere where people will step in it, check their shoes, look for stains on their pant cuffs. It's gonna be out there cause it's the sorta crap I go for:
effecting people.
For better or worse I gotta get my stains on people, gotta make 'em feel a little more than the daily drudge, and I gotta, gotta, gotta hope they catch the slightest hint of something different when they smell my ass or else, frankly, what's the point?
Probably isn't any point anyway but I'll just keep on keepin on as if there was cause that's the way I operate: Like life means something. Like our actions effect things. Like truth and integrity and honesty might mean something. Like my reality might have some - even the slightest - connection to true reality.
No guarantees that it means diddly but I'ma gonna keep on keepin on anyway.
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the guys: philogynist jaime tony - the gals:raymi raspil
