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Michael considered fate at 19:22   |   Permalink   |   Post a Comment

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Comment posted by  Anonymous @ 5/28/2007 12:08 PM:

Hate to burst your bubble, but pirates did not get lots of hetero ass when the went into port. Most pirates abhorred women, and would even toss them overboard rather than rape them. Pirate culture was basically homosocial and homosexual. One of the faults I have of the spate of pirate movies is that they try to heterosexualize pirate culture. Here's a link: http://www.chiprowe.com/bookrev/sodomy.html

I apologize, but if I must be a one man crusade to bring historical accuracy to the pirate story, I guess I will! :-) 

i'm thinkin it's a good thing to be a pirate, based on my brief encounter with them in the Life Aquatic, if you recall me mentioning it. I might not have mentioned it though, which would explain you not recalling it. Whatever, pirates seem cool. Even in this 21st century of world superpowers and giant navies, pirates still troll the languid waters of ..

oh whatever. you get the idea. pirates seem like they got it pretty good. sure, the women are few and far between out on the open sea, but hey it's 2005, aren't gay pirates allowed by now?

--sidenote--
listening, trying to understand, but not sure where Rush fits into the musical rainbow and if it is even necessary that they be there - forgive me, my weak thoughts.
--endnote--

Back in the day they didn't allow gays in the military but hey we're progressive now - don't ask don't tell - so if you can join the navy and be gay fighting pirates, why shouldn't you be able to join the pirates and be gay fighting the navy? makes sense to me.

The real fun, though, is probably when they're on shore-leave. You saw pirates of the carribbean - apparently you get to run around town knocking things over and hitting brutally on the women between drunken stumbles. I do that on a somewhat regular basis here in montreal but I don't get the fun of going back to the ship to sleep in small quarters with my gay pirate buddies. Just think of the fun!



All this gayness aside, I think pirates probably get a decent amount of heterosexual ass since they make perfect adultery victums. think about this for a second. you're away on business. pirates come to town, pillaging far and wide, and install themselves at the bar in the local brew-pub. now, if your wife is gonna hook up with anyone, do you think it's going to be the plumber (ass-crack), the milkman (coke-bottle glasses) or.. the mysterious swashbuckling foreigner replete with body scars and a sash tied around his waste?

pirates, yah see, they got the allure. they may have a lot of money - or at least a buncha gold bulleon in an "off-shore account" if you know what I mean. they're apparently single but perhaps married to their sweetheart back home. they could have be wanted for .. well.. piracy. and heck, if they sound like a british rockstar and sort of swagger around a lot, maybe they're funny too.

if women don't like a little humor i don't know what they like.

scratch that - i thought they liked a little humor. maybe the keyword is little. maybe i'm just too much of a laugh for most of the gals out there.. but it's alright. Mike, yah see.. he's lookin' into this whole pirate thing. you gotta figure they're high tech these days.. radar, sonar, computers to track their investments. cell phones to call their daughters in uni and tv satellite dish to record The O.C. if they happen to be out plundering on thursday night.. so maybe they have a use for a guy like me, once i'm done and through with this nonsense of a graduate degree.

huh. me, a fulltime pirate. i wonder what the bennies are like.

dental? hrm.. not by the looks of it.