and she said.. "how you interpret the dream is probably more important than the dream itself"

To fill you in on the post below (re: Even later? Whatever shall the night bring? Who knows.) well, I know.. and I'm about to tell you.

Basically, the 12 boreales were skank ass... but not before some skankyness in the form of pitchers are ler biffer, as I had postulated.. even later? how about black outs, stumbling drunkness, falling down, and where is my shoe?

And of course, the week in which I realize I have lost my key to the front door of the building (and think to myself "hhmm. it's barely ever locked, I am in no rush to get a new copy) is the same week in which I stumble home around 4am and find the door locked. Whatever shall I do?

Call in trusty cellphone, dial roommate, smile abashedly when said roommate stumbles (sleepy-eyed) down the stairs in his pjs. Make drunk stumbly apologies and attempt to explain rash, bruises, broken face. Fail.

Enter self-guilt. Enter much rumination about substance abuse. Question myself: "am i an alcoholic?". Decide there is barely a thin line between disease and desire and it's not worth worrying about labels, or the stigma thereof, and therefore (ergo) I need to slow things down a bit.

Realize that if not an alcoholic, then I am at least a social alcoholic. Realize that I probably replace dry wit and humour with asshole when I drink too much and therefore do not only a disservice to others, but to my reputation as well.

Step #1: Admit you have a problem.

Okay, no shakes, no shivers. Able to go months without a beer and only feel the urge in large social situations (i.e. like in a bar). Not diseased perhaps, then, but clearly disease != problem. Logically, we can state: all diseases are a problem but not all problems are a disease.

I have a problem.

Step #2: visit 12Step.org to find out what all those other steps are.

Step #3: realize it's a bunch of hokey religious crap that makes me cringe more than a beer during a sunday morning hangover.

Jump directly to step 8 and note the humility step in which inventory of those whom I have harmed is taken. Take inventory. Realize how short the list is, that is it's basically just me.

Realize I am only hurting myself.

Drink another beer.... but slowly.