and she said.. "how you interpret the dream is probably more important than the dream itself"

lazy. schlep. stinky. uninterested in the hip-trips attempt at showering away the guilt two, three times a day because: shiny doesn't mean pure. only warnings i really heed are those blaring from inside my head and even then, mildly (the heedonism, not the blaring). fine fine. but it doesnt explain the occasional tumble-weed bouncing across my path, settling down on a stool next to mine at the bar, sitting in a chair in front of mine at the diner, filling an empty space next to mine in my bed. cant quite understand it but i do anyway, nod my head and say okay, just settle into it and take it. for what its worth.

and so they ask, sometimes, how? what are the reasons? who is your type? where do you want to be? why me? and I have to say why, why oh why, why me? answer a question with a question and you'll get a blank stare, rebuttal, revocation. withdrawn your honour.

i don't really know anymore than the next guy except that they're evil, the other team. great opponents, but they play dirty like the mud. driven to win. best you can hope for - dream a little dream - is a draw.

if they're evil, she said, why do you let them in? because, i said. if you think they're so bad why do you open yourself up? because, i said.

no, really.. why?

i sighed a million year sigh and considered myself carefully. because, i said. because every once in awhile one of them is sporting enough to come spend some time in my bed and i'm able to slow down, stop, and smell the roses. because while there is nothing worse, more scary, or horrid than a snarling woman scorned.. there is absolutely nothing better than a woman, absolutely nothing better than the apertif of bedroom gymnastics - that quiet before the storm when the waters glass over and the sun sparkles like it does at no other time, the birds chirp warily in anticipation. it's the now never always (i wish) moment of my life. hopefully to be repeated. over. and over. and over. like the moment before you fully awaken in the morning, the second before you fall asleep at night, the brief spark of time before your favourite food hits your mouth. heaven? Sky rockets in flight, anticipatory delite.