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Michael considered fate at 12:47   |   Permalink   |   Post a Comment

While Alex can always post here himself, he is a) lazy, b) a little lazy, and c) known to be lazy, on occasion. Plus there is the slightest chance in hell that maybe he is embarrassed about this one.. so I'll post it for him:

I went walking on the ho'd-out Del Playa Friday and had one of the weirdest nights of my life. Very, very humorous, though. Let's remember that this is the street that is like a continuous block party for about 1.5 miles. Walking with four friends, all with satisfactory to excellent levels of intoxication. I find myself lying in the street after . . . well, I'm not quite sure how I got there. A stumble perhaps. As I am contemplating raising myself, three girls walk up from out of the sea of passers-by. One proclaims it to be her birthday and asks if we can make out. Note that I am still lying in the street at this point. Subsequently, DP make out #1. Later in the evening, I stroll casually up to a girl to bum a cigarette. Upon receiving one, I proceed to tell her my theory on the occasional use of tobacco and the proper administration thereof. I light it up and diligently finish about half the cigarette in less than 20 seconds. After the handoff of the remaining cigibutt to one of my friends, I offer my arm to the girl to walk. This is well timed, as the tobacco chooses that moment to set in, and she becomes an integral part of my support system. I find myself leaning against her, and her face nuzzling my neck. "What's this," I wonder? "Make out #2?" Indeed. But here's the capper. We make out for a bit, and proceed to walk down the street arm in arm. It's at this point that I realize that the tobacco is not finished with me, and I close my eyes to enjoy the ride. All of a sudden, I AM STRUCK by a car. I fall over the hood, noticing that there is condensation on the windshield. The girl looks at me in something akin to panic, and shuffles away. Alas. There was a miscommunication in who was leading who. Turns out, I had steered us full force into a parked car. Luckily, I buffered her from the bulk of the impact. Realizing what had happened, the evening deteriorates into near paralytic hysteria, with one of my friend's paranoia being the single thread saving us from Drunk in Public charges.

Amen.