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Michael considered fate at 14:56   |   Permalink   |   Post a Comment

There was news today, somewhere in the world, but I was too lazy to read it. Someone woke up, cried "Eureka!" and cracked their head on the side of the tub. An old man died. A young woman cried. The earth continued to spin a million hundred thousand miles.

I was too busy in the waiting room of our healthcare system to worry about these things. Running an experiment involving infected puncture wounds and no health insurance. I'm trying to prove that a guy like me - 26.5 years with full health coverage - can beat the system for one year. From age 26.5 to 27.5, approximately. I am claiming that despite my severe increase in healthcare needs this year, I will nevertheless come out on top having opted not to have health insurance - or, alternately, having accidentally not opted for it.

I won't bore you with the details of why I didn't opt for it - suffice it to say there was a loophole and I fell down it. Such is the way of our wonderfully modern world. I absolutely adore handling new technology - the fact that it gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling is a ripe blog post topic for the picking, but not today - yet at the same time I abhor being handled by technology. The very thought of my numbers being wisked through the inner workings of so many information systems makes my skin crawl with horror. The idea that I am, myeself, just a number is refreshing. The fact that my number is being tracked, traded, compared, contrasted, and generally manipulated by so much alogrithmic buereacracy, however, is scary.

Moving onward. I was smart enough to use my trip to Jamaica as the perfect opportunity to further inflict pain on myself - pain that even I would be unable to keep from the hallways of the healthcare system. This time? A puncture wound. Aka a deep cut. Aka a laceration. Or three, depending on how you're counting. A nice star pattern. The long and the short of it is a big puss-y mess on the bottom of my foot. It's bright red and yellow and white and grey all at once like a bad boat trip with Willy Wonka.. except I didn't get any candy.

Back in October I paid $420 just to be able to sit in the waiting room of a hospital in Quebec. $420 to enter an emergency room seems a bit steep but then again the Canadians are trying to provide free provincial healthcare so I guess I can see the hospitals trying to stick it to the provinces - institutions the hospital is probably never getting enough funding from in the first place. The catch-22 of free healthcare?

When I finally got in to see a doctor I did get a free ultrasound, a free consultation from a specialist, and a lowered-bill of $50 from the doctor. In the end, it could have been worse.. then again, in the end, I could not have been a student at the university who funds the place as it's teaching hospital. Maybe things would look bad if they turned away an uninsured student, no? I can imagine it now - french and english students alike uniting in the streets of Montreal to march against the atrocities the system has wrought upon me..

Okay, maybe not. In the end the problem did take care of itself. It's not like the ultrasound fixed anything.

There were two other situations of possible hospital care I've encountered over the last year - these were head wounds mostly, concussion type stuff, and in the end I toughed it out, watched for signs of serious damage, and drank myself into oblivion. One morphine helped, too.

This time, however, I do not yet know the financial bottomline on this trip through the healthcare system. If I knew better, I might even have given a false name. With a missing wallet and no ID, it's the perfect cover. I wouldn't even be lying (about the wallet). Yes, I need to return to the hospital tomorrow for a follow-up. Yes I had to get a prescription. But so far no one has blinked and I could be Willy Wonka for all they know.

Anyhow, one tetanus booster in the arm and a nice big fat antibiotic needle in my ass later and I'm back on the street. I probably cost them more in electricity to light the exam room while I was there then I did in medicine or care. No doubt, however, they will pile on the costs like good American healthcare providers that they are. This will be interesting.

The over-under, folks, is US$1060. That is the price for 12 months of coverage by the student health insurance plan that I do not have because of a clerical error made by my university. (Later I will perhaps research the copays and other deductibles I would have had to pay as well, and add that into the fray..)

So far we are at about US$380. This leaves me with $680 of cash I will need to burn on healthcare from now until August 30th in order to lose from not having healthcare.

Although I may have used a large chunk of that money today, I'm still betting under.

I will take bets, in my comments, Price is Right style, on how much I will spend in healthcare by August 30th. Specify + (over) or - (under) and a dollar amount. Winning will get an interesting package from me in some unreasonable amount of time. Which is to say, if and when I get around to it.

Sidenote: My dentist charges a $30 missed appointment fee if you do not show up for your appointment within 15 minutes of it's start time. This morning, my hygenist was not ready for me until 20 minutes after my alloted appointment time. Question: Can I bill my dentist $30 for a missed appointment?