and she said.. "how you interpret the dream is probably more important than the dream itself"

This week things came together with a number of economic factors and social cues combining to create another sighting of (trumpets please) consumer man.

Truthfully, I am consumer man. Well, he is my alter-ego. Normally stingy and frugal to the point of cheap, I am occasionally bullied into the light of 21st century consumerism by the sheer power of our social economy. Consumer man's most triumphant win, for example, was the purchase of a Ducati motorcycle in 2002 - something that was neither needed nor required in any way shape or form. Consumer man just wanted it.. and consumer man got it.

During my weekend trip south last month to Maryland for crabcakes and inner-city shootings (sadly, I had neither) I spent more time in shopping mode than I had desired or planned. This was mostly in tag-along mode, as others fulfilled their consumerist duties, soldiers of the modern war, down in the trenches of superstores and shopping malls, trudging it out between taco bells and banana republics, apple stores and payless shoe outlets.

I was told I would feel better if I consumed. I would be helping the economy - doing my part to help beat down the terrorists, the baby killers, and sycophants. A newly purchased piece of plastic is worth two Iranian terrorists in the bush.

I was told that I should write about my consumerism - for the good of the people. I should record my spending and shout it loud from the rooftops as a victorious anthem to all those evil-doers and naysayers. Maybe I'm the sycophant.

I'll be honest. I put it off. It didn't seem right, somehow. I hemmed and hawed and finally, after 20 minutes in an outdoor outfitter's store I managed to find a sweater for $30 that seemed o.k.. like, you know, maybe I'd wear it sometime. I wasn't convinced, but it looked okay. Other shoppers nodded approvingly as I strutted in front of the mirror. It suddenly seemed A-Okay.

Certainly, I've wore the sweater a number of times since it's purchase. I'm fairly pleased with it's entry into my wardrobe. It fills a gab, a niche, and I'm pleased to have that weapon in my arsenal. However, it didn't give me the satisfaction I was looking for.

Like a bad kid hanging with the wrong crowd, I'd become a monster that wasn't who I am. I was on the prowl, looking for my fix. I shopped car classifieds at work. I researched real estate deals in the middle of the night. I craved the puerility of a cashless soul. I needed the rush of the purchaser's high.

It's a disease, this money, and so I push it into investment vehicles and money market funds and nooks and crannies under my floorboards because I don't want to see it, I don't want to know it's there, and someday, when there is enough of it, I won't have to worry or think about it.

Luckily, consumer man was fairly weak this time around. I knocked some sense into him, got him turned around in the right direction, and I'm now the owner of a used Nikon d70 digital SLR. This was a win - win for us, me and consumer man. I was in the market for a decent camera. In fact, had promised myself one once I was free from the shackles of higher-ed where paychecks aren't quite as large and too much time is spent splicing them up for various bars and restuarants. Consumer man, on the other hand, just wanted to throw money out the window, to watch it flutter down to the street. He wanted to watch it change hands, grease palms. He wanted to see, touch, feel fresh new plastic, shiny glass and pretty packaging.

I bought used, but I think consumer man can get over that. Compromise is a strong tool. I could still be fighting with consumer man, but I'm not. He is quietly satiated, and I am happily satisfied.. though consumer man did relish the act of chomping through the plastic-molded packaging of his new compact flash card that came in the mail yesterday, I am relishing the thought of the $15 rebate that is in the mail.

See? Compromise. Px is fighting with his own consumer man over the exact same purchase right now (digital camera) but I suspect he isn't quite as psychotic as me and won't have such the crisis of personality that I did. Lucky bugger.