It's a bit strange how life works out, but then what can you really do about it but watch it fly by? I find it interesting that for years - like five of them - I basically wrote a blog that nobody read. Sure, I got hits but they were all random search hits for the most part. On occasion a fellow blogger would stumble into my little corner of the innernector and start reading for awhile, then wander off to greener pastures. For the most part, this little place has been provisional - very much like a diary that nobody ever goes back to read. Which is a shame because that's really the point, isn't it? Anyone who writes something down secretly wants
it to be read, even if they say they don't.. I don't care what anyone says. Only in movies do people write letters that they tear up and never send.
So sure, every once in awhile I would wander into the archives and read some of my old shit just to get perspective on things, but I was probably the only one. Back then I was getting somewhere in the range of 15 hits a day. Now, having kept on keeping on (even if it has been less keeping than I'd like) and also having it come up in conversations with people here and there.. well, before I knew what was happening people - real people, people I know, not strange faceless beings online - were reading it too.
I still get somewhere in the range of 15 hits a day. They're just mostly from people I know. Or people I think I know. Or people who appear to be people I think I know, which, at the end of the day, is what all of you are anyway, right? People who appear to be people I think I know
. Does life get anymore certain than that? Probably not, but I can't be sure.
So what does it all mean? What do I write here? Why do you read it? Why do you care? These aren't hypothetical, really, because I'm truly interested. I read all of three blogs on a regular basis and they're all people I don't know. I read one of them because it's just good, interesting writing. I read another because it's funny with good pictures. I read a third because it's habit and habits die hard. But those reasons are surface at best.. there are deeper reasons that cause these blogs to be more palatable to me, but being deep they are less easy to access. So we say "that's interesting," or "it's funny."
Why do I care about a stranger on the internet that I've never met. Why do I care about what his or her cat did yesterday and what job interview they just bombed or what kind of tea they had for breakfast? Why are reality shows so popular? Is it pure coincidence that blogs and reality shows both came into their own at the same time? Does any of this matter?
I don't know, but I still feel guilty for lazy updates and broken promises. Even if nobody is out there reading this. Even if someone is. It's that piece of self that generates willpower, motivation, and stubbornness that is like cold fusion. Without it, this seemingly endless source of energy, nothing would get done and nobody would read anything. Too bad it can't help me gracefully conclude any of my posts.