20021031 
what the fuck? i tried to make my own blog, to act as the bulletin board for my site, but it doesn't work. it should be aschwa5.blogspot.com, but it just says 'not found.'
i have a new pathetic video up on my site now. it's really ass, but, hey. what can you do.
20021024
There is an old wives tale in knitting that you should never make a sweater or anything else for a boyfriend because as soon as you're done, you will break up.
From:"Alexander Schwartz"
Date:Thu, 24 Oct 2002 00:13:32 -0700
Subject: [rezdogs] today's implications
hello everybodee!
so this morning, i woke up, and i was really tired. and i thought that i would let myself sleep a little longer, so i put the snooze on. before i knew it, the alarm rang again, and i got up.
later, i was going to get lunch, and it was 12:50, and i had ten minutes to buy lunch before class started. and i said, "ten minutes is long enough to buy lunch!" so i went and bought some cornbread, and a protien shake. then, on line i heard the hour bell ring. and I said "Shit! that was a really fast ten minutes!" and i got to class late.
And then this evening i gave a review session for abnormal psych, and i thought i would just give a little review that i had prepared before opening it up for questions, and before i knew it, i had talked for half an hour. it went well, but where did the time go? and then it struck me.
TIME IS ACCELLERATING!!!!!
It must be true. that ten minutes felt like five, if even. and the weeks go by really fast, and evry morning i wake up really tired, AS IF THE NIGHT WAS SHORTER THAN IT USED TO BE! damn. well, if time starts to warp crazy ninja-style, it's been nice knowing y'all.
catch you on the flip side of the large battle planet Nibiru, dirty reptoids!
enjoy the ride
crzy tom
20021023
I shoulda mentioned $99 really means $0.99
and if you have had a wendy's $0.99 burger you know there isn't really any meat in it anyhow.
My pirate name is Captain Crook, though not assigned by any website. It is an endearment assigned by dear old Karl.
This is some bits from cobain's diaries/letters and interesting and I provider it here, for my friends, because I like my friends and want them to enjoy at least interesting (if not happy) things.
Also. More stuff. If you happen to be at a computer tip-tap-typing away for awhile (say, 18 minutes and 41 seconds) then you should do so while listening to this bit from the CBC show Quirks & Quarks. It is about downloading a human mind onto silicon. It is interesting. It is here.
I saw Igby Goes Down last week. Did I mention that? It sort of
seemed like it was trying to copy American Beauty and the Royal
Tennenbaums at the same time. But worth a watch.
I drank all weekend like a fish in a tank - except I was drinking through my mouth, and it was beer, and I wasn't using it to breath. Icehouse to be exact, that fine brew from the Plank Road Brewery. Such a picturesque scene they paint on the label. Too bad more beers don't do that. I also drank orange juice, mountain dew, and stoli out of a big plastic tub.
20021022
i don't know where the junior bacon cheeseburger is ninety-nine smackers, but that seems a little steep for a cow patty, even if it IS served with pig and fermented cow milk. maybe you should try a nice vegie dog. they serve the most righteous grilled cheese at in&out, i don't even notice the absence of meat like product. for me it's really all about the ketchup, anyway.
here's a song that i wrote about the grilled cheese. it should be sung to the tune of twinkle, twinkle.
grilled cheese, grilled cheese, chese that's grilled,
how i love my stomach filled.
on the tray you steam so hot
putrid meat you contain not.
grilled cheese, grilled at in and out.
now i won't develop gout.
righ on. holopts all the way, man.
20021021
i feel crappy
mostly cause i'm hot, full of coffee, and unfed
*sigh*
i think i'll go order a junior bacon cheeseburger for $99 and wallow in my fatness.
back in 10
20021018
All the MS com objects I am decompiling in java have a modified date of 4/20/1999...
hu..hu...ha.. 4/20
ha
20021016
20021015
Yo. This be my first post. Went to an incest aversion lecture today. You know what? Men have less incest aversion than women do. Guess what else? The woman giving the lecture said, " . . . [we're not surprised] about these findings. It fits with [our understanding that] male's basic strategy [is] to procreate with anything that moves . . . " How right she is. At this point, I would procreate with some things even if they weren't moving.
later
20021011
so..
i sez
i sez i see
i see
saw
i saw
yesterday
yesterday i saw
a vehicle
on route 1
it's license plate said "HOLOPTS"
it's bumper sticker said
when in doubt, empty the magazine
20021010
sometime around 1998 a roommate obsessed with creating a bizarre comic about muscle-building in abandoned parking garages and frog-dipping at a club called Akra ( i think ) spent an inordinate amount of time - perhaps two entire days worth of work - tracking down karhu's old 70's logo of a skiing bear so that he could apply said logo to one of the character's hoody. 
i want to contribute to blogspot. who do i have to FUCK around here to become a contributor? do you get chili peppers on your email signaling the spicy content of the messeges? i do . . . it's pretty funny; there's nary an email from rezdogs that doesn't have one.
20021009
Head over to Richie Smit's page and check out some killer freestyle frisbee moves.. Totally Rad, man.. Apple would be so proud.
and while you're there you might as well check out Alex's receding hairline too - 5th from the top on the left hand side... and over here - 4th from the top on the right.. babe, bikini, cowboy hat..... what more could one desire?
20021008
gimme the best horror story opening sentence you can muster. multiple entries accepted.
my grandfather told me that if you get a phillip's head screwdriver and unscrew your bellybutton your arms and legs fall off.. he was a mechanic in WWII... he knows what he is talking about.
tattoos and piercings
nipples maimed
metal shit
and lives changed
20021007
girl: Have you heard from sarah?
boy: nope.
girl: cause I haven't heard from her in weeks... She hasn't returned my phone calls.
boy: maybe she is dead. maybe she choked on something and she has been lying on her kitchen floor, dead - with triscuits in her fridge, for a week?
girl: Yes, I'd thought of that.
boy: Which would explain things nicely. A recent scientific study shows that 99.8% of all dead people do not return phone calls, are generally uncommunicative, and don't like nutella on their toast in the morning.
girl: Hmm. yes, that explains it.
boy: Another study, however, has found 89% of dead people to be amazingly acute and attentive listeners.
girl: cheerios and milk!
Because a certain Rotheford e. Cushing sucks some major hind tit when it comes to postage and other general activities concerning this here fandangle, we will temporarily suspend his membership. We will also encourage anyone interested in contributing to speak up and be part of our wonderful babe..
it should be pointed out that my pal alex's website points out an interesting Michael Batchelder anagram. Coinky Dink?
jesus fuck people are on the comments system. what tripe.
- no, sorry. I just wanted to say tripe.
I was over on the minister's 'net and J. Apple posted something about nanowrimo.org (I think) and golly if that doesn't sound like quite the headache and a half - national write a novel month - the month of november - should be spent pounding out 50,000 words .. according to them anyway. I was gonna do it then I thought.. that's all I had to do to figure out it was such a moronic thing to attempt - though they have a funny bit on the frontpage about their negotiations with your employer to get you more writing time. muha.
Anyhow, because I have such a lousy comment system you can't see whether or not there are any comments. This obviously makes things no fun and I will try and fix things but right now I will mention Tom's picks:
| Schlitz | (*gasp*.. such a weighty beer.. one should really stick to Schlitz lite for one's health!) | |
| Johnny Walker | Those knob's are all so pretentious - good pick |
| Reds | We all know that if you're going to smoke - going to kill your body (and hell, why not, you're already doomed to watery hangover eyes and a beer gut from hell due to your loyalty to the Schlitz) you might as well smoke filterless. It's the coolest thing since rolling Drum. Plus, coming from a commie bastard like Tom is anyone surprised he picked the Reds? |
| swishers? | Yah, Tom, we know they are swisher's.. which swisher would you pick? the wood tips or the outlaws?.. and as long as we're on the subject - has anyone tried the new swisher offering - the Blunt? I quote from the website: Whether you lay brick, drive a truck or operate a crane[ed note: or if you sit in a lab/office all day with health-conscious co-workers], Swisher Sweets Blunts is a cigar you can stay with all day. Its a big smoke that's always mild, sweet and satisfying. Seems to make the work day a little easier. |
| Freud | had a big fucking hard-on, that's what he had Tom |
20021006
With more energy of anyone I know she smiles and jumps up and changes the song. It's been playing for 20 seconds and she's gotten all she can from it. Just as quickly she is slouched, glass propped precariously near her shoulder. Do I mind? Am I going to judge her for being her? She needs to know. She begs. She apologizes. She doesn't care what I think, I can go fuck myself. She doesn't care what anyone thinks, she does what she wants. Sometimes wishes she was never born at all. Because nothing really matters..
20021003
There is one more thing...
it's been emotional.
From 100% picks to only 4 right, I've slipped in my football picking abilities. This week doesn't look any easier, either.
Best pickup line ever, as perpetrated by one Kenneth Carlson on the 2nd of October, 2002, at Amigo's bar in Portland, ME
" Hey, do you want a drink?... Cause we could buy you one"
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the guys: philogynist jaime tony - the gals:raymi raspil
