20021226 
Now begineth the list of amazing and wonderful ways to die
1. Death by Lactose Intolerance. Yes, that is right - your stomach curdling up in a ball and making it's way through your gastrointestinal tract, pulling behind it everything it passes like Linus dragging along his blankey. Diabolically explosive shit. Fireworks out the ass like it's New Year's 2000 all over again. Ride of the Valkyries playing in the background like it's a fireworks competition. White knuckles clenched to porcelain bowl. At least it's not hot and spicy like mexican food.
Oh crap, the cat's gone and nudge it's way into the bathroom. It's watching you now, quizically, as you shit yourself to death.
2. Death by Caffeine Overdose. Yes, that is right - your entire body trembling at first, then shaking, and finally lurching about in fits of spasmodic horror. Extreme paranoia as your teeth chatter away, chipping molars and bicuspids with increasing frequency. Teeth slowly destroying each other - unable to stop the involuntary fidgets. The few teeth left chopping like so many chinese with their sledges on the railroad, ramming into your upper gums, chewing it up like minced meat. Flight of the Bumble Bee playing in the background while your lower jaw works it's way up your face. Hands grabbing at anything to hold still - pulling fixtures off the walls. At least your burning lots of calories.
Oh crap, the cat's batting at your bouncing toe like it's an injured mouse. It's watching you now, excited, as you die from caffeine overdose.
What's my problem?
Why does stuff like this bother me?
Why do naive people bring out the "awwww, poor guy" in me? Why do I feel badly for the intellectually challenged? Ignorance is bliss, we all know this, no?
I am happy in many of my own instances of ignorance, I just can't name them.. obviously. And do me a favour, don't tell me either, mmkay?
20021223
So B.B. King, a large black blues man.. strangely enough.. sounds like a large black blues *wo*man when you play his stuff at 115% normal speed.
Wow, this isn't completely off the mark at all, huh?
20021219
Oh that's nice. Real nice.
Referring URL http://search.yahoo....beef+pussy+lips&n=20
Search Engine: search.yahoo.com
Search Words: chipped beef pussy lips
I held off. I tried not to post it. I'm not a blog linker, really. But christ it's funny shit:
GIRLS ARE PRETTY
Ha ha. Will Ferrell parodys the Apple Switch commercials. My favorite part:
"[on my iPod] 980 christmas songs... and.. like.. 20 doobie brothers... and one sheryl crow"
20021218
I know no one who reads my site cares (or, as an alternative, I know no one reads my site), but you should really check this out ( Piracy is Progressive Taxation, and Other Thoughts on the Evolution of Online Distribution ) cause it's.. well.. it's progressive. It sounds all wrong to the strongly entrenched corporate-cultured automatons running around everywhere.. but they're brainwashed. They've been convinced by the very principals in the case that anything that doesn't involve clear-cut coporate profits and abuse of consumer trust is wrong and just plain evil.
As a follow up, a recent slashdot post talks about a recent music piracy bust. Our beloved RIAA reported in a press release that the operation had "the equivalent of 421 CD-burners" burning away, crankin out the crack. In reality, there were appoximately 156 Cd-burners but "some of them were really fast". The idea, of course, was to confuse the poor little press into mis-reporting. And, of course, this is exactly what they did here (at CNN by way of the AP) and here (at Yahoo! News by way of Reuters). I should at least give yahoo/reuters the props for noting the number was "as reported by the RIAA" as opposed to the CNN article that assumed it was outright fact. The RIAA's press release used some nifty enron-like math to turn 156 actual burners into the "equivalent" of 421 "normal speed" drives. Of course, "normal speed" is an arbitrary term undefined by the RIAA in it's press release. This just goes to show how we should all take statistics for granted. Yah.
jelyon sez:
There are 10 kinds of people in the world
Those who understand binary.
And those who don't.
Hehhehehe
I am surely not the first to notice that the U.S. Presidential Office is held by some Bush and some Dick. I mean.. it did take me, what, two years?
20021217
And if you really don't have *anything* to do, check out the Christmas' very own Marble Madness ripoff from setpixel
20021216
The term Trouser Snake is very funny.
Go check out some of the most searched terms in 2002. There is some interesting things to see in there, most notably:
1) Java is still the only programming language on the Top Technology search list.
2) The top three athletes *aren't* american!
3) Britney still has it. Christina doesn't.
4) The World Cup beat out Iraq, Snipers, and Winter Olympics as the Top News Story.
5) Eminem proves once again that bitching about your horrible life on the big screen really helps your career.
6) Canada is the second most searched "destination", but I'm sure it's actually just all those dumb Americans trying to figure out all the Canadian jokes they see on SNL.
My buddy John Poindexter heads up the Total Information Awareness project - part of the Information Awareness Office. The whole site reads like a grad student research project, but that's besides the point. It's still scary. To make a long story short, it's citizen profiling through phone records, medical records, school records.. any records it can get. All in the name of those two spookily 1984ish words Homeland Security. They probably all think I am a communist, a marxist, a supporter of terrorist regimes and completely anti-American when I say that I would rather have planes crash into buildings once a year than live in a country like the one the U.S. might turn into relatively soon. I am a disgusting disgusting human being for saying I would rather risk my life and the life of others for *true* freedom. Bleh.
Anyhow, poor John. He was such a nice guy back in the day. I contacted him (funny that I found his email address publically available on the web about seven years ago and he didn't seem to mind then) about the Iran-Contra scandal and what his thoughts were and I got a few quality quotes for my high school report. He made for a great primary source and he was a generally friendly guy.. Anyhow, now he's got the geeks against him - posting some sat photos of his house and reporting his address and phone number to the world. (WIRED)
20021213
My oh my, it's the
Redneck Cat Carrier
Bravo.
Because that damn helicopter game wasn't enough, I present you monkey lander.
I got 6601 pts.
20021212
After reading this crap from cnn about e-panhandling I figure I should get into the game. But I am also too embarassed to beg openly on the internet, no matter how anonymous.. So, I propose:
Good Ideas For $1.
That's right. I will sell you a good idea for one U.S. Dollar. If you are picky about the nature of your good idea, you shouldn't bother buying one - but I do guarantee the idea to be good, solid, and well thought out. If good doesn't sound like enough for you, you can get a great idea for $2.
Payments accepted through paypal. Send the cashola to removespambritishcoal@removespamyahoo.com ( you should remove the references to removespam first, of course. I hate web bots snatching my email )
Okay. It's Have Fun With Your Slightly Fucked Roomie Day.
Here is how you do it.
Day 1: Start by listening to lots and lots of mp3s. If you have a different schedule than your roommate then call in sick, skip your classes, stay up late.. whatever it takes. Listen to your mp3s loudly enough so that your roommate can hear them, but not so loudly that they complain.
Day 2: Download Sonique and use it to set the pitch (speed) of your mp3s to 102.5% of their normal speed. Do this when your roommate isn't around so (s)he doesn't hear you initially listening to all your billy ocean records at 150% and masterbating like a crazyman. The idea is surprise.
Day 3: Crank her up to 105%. If your roomie is a particularly clueless music listener, you might want to make each daily increment slightly higher. Likewise, if you're flatmate is a keen listener, crank it down a notch.
Day 4: That's right, 107.5%. As an added bonus, you could spike all their food and drink with powdered caffeine. They'll hardly notice and gee, it'll be a load of fun.
Day 5: 110%. And you thought this was going to be hard.
Day 6: 112.5% Might be pushing it a bit too far. At this point you need to decide if you want to drive them nuts for good or just have a quick laugh at their expense.
Day 7: If your roommate still has not noticed that time is flying by faster than a blonde girl on prom night you might want to announce to him/her how completely ignorant they are. Alternatively, try getting them to drop some acid, crank the pitch while they're tripping, and keep it up after they come down. Talk faster, and move a little quicker. If you could get the 'ol Tivo to play stuff a bit faster on the telly, that's cool too.
If all of that sounds like too much patience and/or work for you, just try shitting under their bed for a few days.
oh wait. he's a toddler. sorry
I Thought they said the iPod was small and portable?
Looks like the size of a frickkin' toaster!
REDMOND, WA - In a press release Monday Microsoft announced it's plans to patent personal taste. Early rumors of such a move were denied by the software giant but they have now made it official.
"We feel this is the best move we can make for our customers at this point" reports Steve Balmer, CEO, "It will allow us to offer exactly what the consumer wants at a significantly absorbitant price."
Industry analysts say this will revolutionize the global market. "By owning your preference to PB and J over tuna, Microsoft can offer a superior product. It will be able to leverage it's knowledge to become a true fascist regime." says Professor John Paydooff from the University of Washington's Computer Science Department. "The initial licensing models that Microsoft is considering will allow you, as an individual, to purchase your preference for blondes over brunettes for a nominal annual fee. If you decide you no longer want that service, you are free to let your subscription run out at the end of the year."
Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft and Technical director was not available for comment but he is quoted in the press release as saying "By offering a subscription based service we are offering extreme value. Before, if you liked tuna, you were stuck with tuna. Now, if you decide tuna isn't for you, you can switch to bologna with no hassle whatsoever."
Dubya, upon learning of the new shift in economic idealogy at Microsoft, reportedly exclaimed "Cool, Dude.. now go get me a tuna salad sandwich..."
"....No, wait. Get me a salami on rye. HHahahahaha"
Ever wonder what sort of people say "Pop" and what sorta people say "Soda"? Hell, there are even people who say "Coke" as a universal cola reference. Check it out.
Having problems getting that beer down? A bit of a Sally are we? Prefer those sugary cocktails or those tequila shooters? Well, first of all: SUCK IT UP YOU PUSSY. That's right.. learn to respect yourself! Drop and give me twenty gulps of Molson High Dry! And then... and only then.. If you find you can't stomach beer.. if you can't appreciate the fine taste of hops and barley.. If you are just that much of a goddamn pussy - try out the new and improved:
AppleJuice Method (TM) patent pending
With the new AppleJuice Method(TM) you'll be chugging beer in no time. Your friends will love you. Your grandmother will respect you. And yes, some people may even mistake you for cool. Just pour a pint of your (un)favorite beer and enter the mind-body state of juice meditation. Picture a bright shiny apple in all it's redish-greenish glory. Imagine fountains of apple juice squeezing out of piles and piles of ripe juicy apples. Now open your eyes, stare that glass of beer directly in it's face and tell it: "Apple Juice". With enough convincing, even the beer will believe you. The key is tantric chanting - Apple Juice Apple Juice Apple Juice Apple Juice up until the very second the glass touches your lips. Then open the gullet and down she goes. Your brain will only just figure out it's been duped when the beer hits the bottom of the barrel, at which point it is much too late. Sit back, smile, slap someone on the back and be proud that you have now mastered the AppleJuice Method (TM).
Brought to you by Beer, that fine refreshing beverage.
If you can't drink it, then YOU'RE A FUCKING PUSSY
20021210
Over blogged, I'm sure, but why not take a look at Technical Difficulties
My secret Ninja Burger name is Haruyasu Nagakura -san. Fear me.
20021209
Saying "My ASS!" at the end of a scoffing sentence is, as the kiddies say, hella cool.
Cheap? My ASS!
Hot out? My ASS!
Nice day My ASS!
um. okay. that wasn't as funny as I wanted it to be. It is funny, though.. you'll have to trust me on this one.
By the way, has anyone noticed how creepy it is when the stewardesses mime the seatbelt and exit instructions on the plane? it's sorta automatonish.. in a freaky orwellian 2001 A.I. brave new world sorta way. well not really, I just wanted to over-reference.
I have beer farts.
That is all.
If you're not reading Pearls Before Swine you're at fault.
Whoa. Like, Whoa dude. How many Vampires can be supported by the population of Sunnydale, CA, the city in which Buffy, The Vampire Slayer, slays her vampires? Well, this dude at Stanford has figured it out for us and if you scroll to the bottom of the page here you can see a pretttttty nifty graph of the human and vampire populations spiralling into equilibrium.
Rock on dude, Rock on.
20021206
I spoke too soon. This Off By One Web Browser might be faster. In fact I'm pretty sure it is... BUT, the UI blows goats.
And I used to think Netscape was sllloooowww to render pages and IE was just the shizell in my nizell... Well, Phoenix is down in my B A cause wooooooo eeeeeeeee is she fast. I'm on the hunt for faster though...
20021205
Everything is justified, and the humor was clear and unyielding. No complaints whatsoever.
And no, the masses will not ignore *everything* that they find boring. In fact, they will crowd toward even the most boring thing you can imagine if, for some reason, others are already crowding. So.. the goal, as I see it, is to amass a crowd, and bore bore bore them to death as a sort of self-preservationist survival of the fittest plot.
Anyone is welcome to join. There are no issues of founder and follower, member and president. It's a hydra with many heads and one body.
Feel like writing something down for us to ignore? Drop me an email... or alex.. or just write to president@whitehouse.gov.
Have a good day.
20021204
OK. E.r.p. I understand. This is a noble, and potentially healthy venture. You're right . . . all of a sudden I feel a little bit more part of a group. I am part of e.r.p. I am powerful. Do we have a mechanism such that other people could join? Perhaps they have to present themselves to one of us personally, and declare their dedication to the cause. Dude, why the fuck doesn't Frost join? he does nothing all day long. Think about it, oh noble founder of the E.r.p blog.
I feel better now than I did yesterday. Sorry for calling e.r.p a piece of shit. I didn't mean it; reading over it, the humor was perhaps not as visible as I had wanted. I am interested in what you present about reading rambling. interesting.
So, what you're saying is, everything that I write on E.r.p is justified? The masses who are not reading E.r.p will generally ignore anything that they find boring . . . ? fantastic.
gonna eat food now. later.
Alex, I think you are missing the point. Blogging isn't about what you can or cannot do, or post, or write. It's about a place where you can explain to everyone what is wrong with the world, how the world works, how the world should work, and why you are tired, hungry, or generally unhappy with things. It is also a place everyone can *not* go to if they feel like it, and will in fact probably not go.
This way, through the art of self-agrandizing publication we can feel like we have made our mark, we have stamped the world with our assessment, we have enlightened the masses, but in the end no one has to bore themselves actually reading it.
It's like a diary with the added benefit of *thinking* someone is reading it - something that we would not financially be able to do if we were required to write a book that no one ever read - but with the advent of the internet we can put it out there like so many rotting newspapers in the 5th basement of the library archive building - it's publically available but no one cares.
It's all, as you say, about evolutionary psych, right?
And since it *is*, as you purport, all about EvPysch, then it's about grouping - like group publishing - like on this blog - which is why having two blogs is disparate unproductive. This is *not* Michael's Weblog.. this is 'Erp'. If I knew anyone else who had half a mind to post something interesting to read on here they would be posting here too. Like Ross for an example, who apparently finds typing difficult, as evidenced by his complete lack of electronic communication of late. But I digress.. You're ranting and run-on thoughts about psych and the way we work are 10 times more interesting to read than it is to listen to. Sometimes that's the awful truth. I'm not sure if it goes that way for my run-on story telling, but from the oft-voiced complaints I get during my oral presentations I would guess so to. I can only surmise they are somewhat more bearable in written form where one can peruse, skip over, and generally ignore entire paragraphs of nonsense .. and at their own pace.
I'm done. It's ass, and you can read the whole thing on MY FUCKING blog. ha. that's right. Who needs your stinking ass piece of shit blog. This is Michael derogation. I will never again spend this much time on a paper this bad. YOU HEAR ME??? I wrote to the girl at bluishorange. She's pretty cute. Why does she write so much? I don't like her writing style; it seems forced. Do I not understand the whole point of this thing? Is there something wrong with me?
Who reads this? I want a counter on my website. I want to know who comes there. I left a message for Shari Edelson on my main page. We used to sit next to each other on the bus. We used to talk about how stupid kids were (in 7th grade), and how they just asked each other out to be cool, and how it didn't mean anything, and how they were all so dumb. And then one day, she asked me out. right there on the bus. I said yes, of course. I was terrified. I didn't really know what it meant. I never did anything about it. I feel pretty bad about that, because she was a real nice girl, and then later she was pretty serious into drugs, and then later I didn't see her very often. I wish I knew where she was. So, dude, did you know that I really am going to burlington? that that's for real . . . thanks, cause you're the best buddy any guy could ever have. I don't understand. Yes, this is kind of like an email, except that eveyone can read. Is that not what one does on a blog? are you going to send me an angry email? revoke my blogging rights? I am tired to the point of incoherence. But it feels good to be here writing of my own free will, without that fucking paper hanging over my head. I never actually got too stressed about it. Perhaps I might have done a better job. Earlier I was talking to Andy the janitor, and all of a sudden, he was really small, just like used to happen to me sometimes when I was watching TV in my old house in LI, and I realized what it is. What happens when I see everything small. It's when my 3D processor shuts off. All of a sudden, I'm processing everything as if it was in 2D, which means that the same person I was processing as big but far turns into very close but small. Botice that I don't really percieve him as looking different; it's just a persective thing.
Goodnight. For fucks sake.
dude. weblogs are wierd. I'm just about done with my paper. Which doesn't mean that it's close to finished, but that I am about to reach the point that writing any more of it will cause me to vomit. Repeatedly, and potentially for as long as I try to continue writing. Blaaah. I'm so tempted to post it, you have no idea. But then again, this is your blog.
Blog is a great word.
20021203
Sociometers - the idea behind self-esteem. You want to hear it? Sugar is sweet because it is your body's way of telling you that whatever it is you're doing - eating something sweet (i.e. nourishing) - is good. Do more of it, says your body. Orgasm . . . same thing. Well, self-esteem is catch-all term for specific psychological mechanisms that tell your brain that whatever it is doing is good. This is Kirkpatrick 2001. Now, WHEN does self-esteem increase? when someone loves you, when you feel your social status is high, when you feel part of a group, when you feel like you have reciprocal friendships, and when you feel like you are providing for another person, especially your progeny. It's the domains of social life. This is my advisors work. BUT ALSO it increases when you feel like you are doing something worthwhile. right? goal oriented behavior . . . having a meaningful goal, and approaching that goal. Victor Frankl. Now I would say, what is going to be meaningful to humans? 99% of the time, it's going to have to do with social factors. why? because in the Environment of Evolutionary Adaptedness (EEA) one's inclusive fitness will be extremely contingent on one's success in the five domains. If you're not part of a group, your access to mates will be low. If you have no status you won't get it on. If you ain't gettin it on, you ain't reproducing. If you can't care for your progeny, they won't survive. If your friends take advantage of you (reciprocity), you and your family will suffer. The synthesis is my own. Perhaps I will get published; unless someone reads this and steals my ideas.
It all makes such sense. You know what it really explains? Why I am always looking over my shoulder playing disc. It's not good enough to play well, but someone has to see. If I am gaining no status, or acceptance into a group, or strengthening reciprocal relationships, then what's it worth? Very little. It's not what I think of me; it's not what you you think of me. It's what I think you think of me that bothers me. Eigth grade, Mr. Forrester, the gym teacher, taught health. That's what we learned. He was right. And you know what else it explains? Competitions. When people take shit seriously, even when it's something as stupid as freestyle frisbee, they organize competitions. Why? It's not good enough to say that they want to show that they're better than someone. Why do they want that? And that's not even necessarily true, in the case of shitty players who come knowing that they'll suck ass.
I hear your counterargument . . . heroin feels good, and it doesn't benefit anything. Heroin hijacks the brain's feel-good system, and runs it on overdrive. Had heroin been around in the EEA, perhaps the brain would have started using something else, to avoid the risk of self-destruction.
Ev. Psych is the future, man. I'm pretty sure of it. I am so happy I didn't learn bullshit psych, in the end. Perhaps not majoring in psych was the best thing I could have done. Now if only understanding all this stuff made life any easier.
I wish my paper was done.
Dude. This is certainly true about being not wrong. You would have been very proud during my meeting with my supervisor circa website scandal. I said, even though I understand this is not the way I am seen by the dept, that doesn't mean that I am not this way. Pretty vague, I know, but you get the point. I defended my, admitedly strange, sense of humor. I felt bad for a while, but I think it was the right thing to do.
Dude. I read allthegirrrlshateher last night. It is very bizarre. I also read the other day about how most weblogs are posted by males. interesting, eh?
To live life with minimal guilt is good. Guilt is very unhealthy. Just ask mr. olympia sports stabbing man.
Farquad. Hee hee.
PORTLAND - The man "accused" of stabbing an Olympia Sports store employee in the heart attempted to commit suicide in his cell with a bedsheet after his first court appearance. He is now on suicide watch. "I will lose my apartment and my job is I am not allowed out on bail!" he complained.
Here I would like to expand upon the feelings of guilt and the tripping of said guilt.
I once posted a personal opinion about a company on my personal website. The website was in no way affiliated with the company, nor was it in any way affiliated with any of it's competitors. Needless to say, the opinion painted said company in a somewhat negative light. Also, I should mention, I was employeed by this company.
Without going into details I will simply say that I expressed my dislike for how heavily influenced the joint was by the evil empire Microsoft and the infamous Bill "Farquad" Gates.
I was young and foolish and managed to orchestrate a wonderfully poignant firing despite having never been layed off before. For days afterwards, weeks even, I tossed and turned in bed. My mind raced through the various circumstances, words uttered, and thoughts typed. The guilt lanced through me like a whale harpoon over and over. The parents were, of course, devastated. There were issues of both honor and respect at hand, afterall. "Don't you always speak of Integrity?!" they asked.
So things went. It wasn't till later, high atop a 40 foot ladder on the banks of the Kennebec river, that things started to finally, once again, brighten for me. I was out in the open air in the August sun. I was painting and getting sweaty and earning an honest dollar with every passing hour. The troubles of the corporate drama behind me and the world just seemed alright.
I can look back now and see that I was a victum of the corporate machine. I was a victum of the status quo and the resistance to change. I can see how the giant, secretly petrified machine, snuffed me out like a tiny match without a second thought. Was I misguided, perhaps, in posting negative thoughts about my company? Sure, maybe it wasn't the brightest thing to do.. but was I wrong? That is, of course, what I was supposed to think - and did think for some time. I was wrong and would have to be reformed! Sent back to be re-educated in the conduct of higher business. Reformatted...
.. and they almost got me, too. For a few weeks I was there, on the edge. Trying not to fall into the trap but getting sucked in nonetheless. But in the end fabricated guilt only goes so far. I knew in my heart of hearts that I could have been more thoughtful, might have hesitated before posting, but I was not wrong.
Guilt should come from within, not from anywhere else. Don't let the system slap you around - you are the one that knows best for you.
Let me tell YOU something. Memory is the craziest, most fucked up shit I have ever experienced. Dreaming is up there, but memory is more consistent.
Ordinary World by Duran Duran just came on the radio I am listening to. All of a sudden I am someone else. I am fifteen year old alex. He's sure as fuck not the same person as I am now. So who am I really. Who was I then. Damn.
It feels good, like visiting a friend, and yet painful, as remembering a friend I've lost. Friends should not be so far away. Being tired exacerbates this feeling, I believe. I am tempted to post my paper (which is due on Wed.)
I'm tired and I hate writing papers.
20021202
And that's a fucking shame about warshaws. It *was* a nasty, dingy, foul place. And though reason dictates that it will do montreal good to no longer have warshaws slummin' around, I mourn.
Dude, that's a great name for my band . . . "Schwartz and 40 skinheads." "Alarm Kids" might be nice too. It's got a nice ring to it. How do you find the time to write so fucking much? Yeah, my website has been watered down. My website is watery. But at least there's a little sarcasmic note to those that shut me down. Oh well.
You know what? I have beome increasingly knowlegeable about current events lately. I've been taking it pretty seriously. The political apathy in our country is pretty disheartening, and I think there are only two main hurdles. One is satisfaction with the status quo. One is low percieved efficacy. The problem is, how to fight these things? #1, if someone doesn't care about the problems, are they really going to listen to you when you tell them they should care. #2, What with Mr. Global Market Economy having a hand in the pocket of every politician on the globe, the low percieved efficacy is probably because people have low efficacy. When the government is run by corporations, what does it matter who is in the government?
But, this is not to excuse people from not voting. Just a tricky link in the chain.
I left this half done on my computer. Now I worry that my advisor saw the reference to the incident. Fuck. I gave my neighbor a jar of cranberry sauce tonight. She said we have met twice, but I never remember meeting her. She's pretty odd.
Your list is pretty good.
All i ever wanted, all i ever needed is here in my arms. Words are very unnecessary they can only do harm.
Warshaw's Lost.. the times they are a changin... *sigh*
The DJs took pills to stay awake and play for seven days
He was rich, with a big cadillac in the yard and a favorite face. One time he hired a monkey to sit with him, watching tv and climbing on things to cure his loneliness but he was like a child and easily distracted. Sometimes you're better off dead. Afterall he was born down in a deadman's town, a factory heartache waiting for it's pink slip to slip into it's ghost's gown.
38 years old, never kissed a girl
Some things in life are bad. Though he had little to complain about looking at it from the eyes of the common man. Rags to riches - He says hold my calls and sends another bill and buys himself a cute cheap thrill. But life ain't all dandy and flowers even when it looks with sheen and shine that it's as perfect as yesterday's smile. Afterall, everyone's had the blues at some time... And been used.
It's like the more money we come across the more problems we see
He'd been used, and abused.. The only thing real to him anymore was the small sign spraypainted on a railroad bridge he saw as a kid on the bus ride to school - I don't want the world, I just want your half. And the bridge didn't even exist anymore. Just like video killed the radio star so the corporate machine had killed him - barely able to breath in, to breath out, he was a machinehead barely able to move.
I've had it with this town - I never saw the ground - or the sunset rise
He saw the watch, the handshakes, and the cake with his name on it. He saw the obligatory gift certificates 10 years before their time. He didn't want to go out like that.
Cock the Hammer, it's time for action
The karma police, silently in their gray white coats came for him in the night, without much pomp and circumstance. Thank you, he said, Mr. Roboto, for helping me escape to where I needed to. I am a man of constant sorrow. I bid farewell to this fine world where I was born and raised. And the armies marched long into the steady part of the city where the sun refuses to shine and spelled with the stomp of their boots the end of the world as we know it. The world turned and left him there, just where he was before they appeared and he found freedom of the body, freedom of the mind. And, when his life was over, sun bright morning he flew away - to that home on God's celestial shoulder he flew away.
Push the little daisies and make 'em come up
Ads up in the subway are the work of someone
Trying to please their boss
And though the guy's a pig we all know what he wants
Is just to please somebody else
If the pu-pu-puppet head
Was only bu-bu-busted in
It would be a better thing for everyone involved
And we wouldn't have to cry
Put your hand inside the puppet head
come on people... put your hand inside the puppet head.
Credit where credit is due.
Kurt Cobain, speaking of smells like teen spirit, once said "I was basically trying to copy the pixies"...
Frank Blank said, about the pixies, "I'm basically trying to copy the beatles"...
And who influenced the bealtes? The 'ol beach boys?
what a strange web we weave
Top ten ways to tell you're getting old, for the 20-something set (sampled from my own life experience)
10. You like Pez... again
9. That new Nirvana release was way cool, because, like, you actually remember what Courtney Love *used* to look like.
8. You remember *liking* school
7. You remember a time when "pop music" made sense
6. Less than half the times you've puked in your life have been due to natural illness
5. Mario makes sense but Pokiemon just seems ridiculus
4. You remember high school without security guards
3. Your first computer was more expensive than your first car
2. You're already tired of reading this list.
1. You don't quite get this whole 'emo' thing.
I bought a new (read: used demo unit) Sharp Digital Video camera. I don't mean that it is sharp as in "Hey, man, you're looking sharp" or "Ouch, that is sharp" or even "Man, you know everything - you are sharp". I mean Sharp, as in the company that produces electronic equipment, and, like most conglomerates, probably baby diapers and cocoa butter. I can't say enough about Sharp. Well, I could, and I might, but to get on with it - I like Sharp. I have bought to items that I know of from Sharp (well not directly, I'm a cheap bastard so I buy USED USED USED). The first item was a mini disc player - a portable unit which could even record and the first unit ever to come in at a price point under $200 - bravo to Sharp. It was slightly bulkier than most players out there at the time but it had a decent battery life, you could vary recording levels on the fly, and I found a battery hack that allowed me to use $6 off the shelf rechargables instead of the $25 battery pack sold by Sharp. That was all great and dandy until I let someone borrow it and when it was returned to me it was lacking it's recharger and it's rechargable batteries as well. Gee thanks. A lesson for everyone - people suck ass and have no respect for anything. It is an evolutionary fact. Think about it: evolutionarily speaking, being nice is useless. Anyhow, back to Sharp. I liked the mini disc player and it worked well for my needs and all that jazz. I even bought a 20 pack of discs off of Amazon for much cheaper than retail (and they were pretty colors!). Since I have been graced with the el-cheapo gene my patienccary gland produces a healthy level of Waitonin which allows me to find the most "fair" deals even if it means waiting till a summer clearance sale to buy that nice winter coat.
So obviously the second helping of Sharp was this digital video camera. I gotta say I'm impressed (and yes, I got a wheel of a deal [what makes a wheel of a deal? Is that a nonsense idiom for the sake of rhyme?]). It's compact, it's takes tapes or smart cards, it takes still photos and video with a number of nifty effects and it even has super-cat's-eye which enables video taping in mostly-dark situations. Overall I'm impressed with Sharp. However, I don't yet have a DV cord to get stuff onto my computer (which is fried at the moment anyway). This mainly means that I, sadly, have no fun little pictures or videos to share with you, as much as you all would love to see me shaving my head, or snoring too loudly, or peeling out with my car or something brilliant like that. As a sort of half-assed consolation prize I offer you Alex's Videos. A veritable cornicopia of cinematic delight. (okay, i just wanted to say cornicopia.. you know that was a vocab word in 8th grade and I probably mispeeled it anyway). Until my computer and my camera meet - enjoy Alex Schwartz and the 40 skinheads. (piddly inside joke, please ignore seemingly anti-semitic references)
In downtown Portland on Sunday a Sports store clerk dies after being stabbed by a shoplifter stealing a $30 pair of pants.
*sigh*
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the guys: philogynist jaime tony - the gals:raymi raspil
